Truth
by analine
Summary: [COMPLETE] It was suddenly so…obvious. It was real. It was the most important thing. It was everything, Eiji realized. OishiEiji, shounen-ai, with somehow more angst than I planned on. ;)
1. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

Eiji's desk rattled back and forth as his leg shook nervously. He stared at the stream of people passing by the open doorway, hoping that he would be able to pick out Oishi's footsteps from the crowd at least ten or fifteen seconds before he made it to the doorway, like he always could. _That will give me enough time to get this look off my face…and…_

It was strange. He never had to worry about being able to smile around Oishi. The thought almost made him laugh out loud, until he realized what it meant. Usually, the smile never left his face when Oishi was around. Unless they were in the middle of a match, of course. Even then though… Even when they argued, or when he was frustrated with Oishi's seriousness, he was never actually unhappy. But today, Eiji was seriously considering forcing a smile when he saw his friend.

Not seeing Oishi for almost a week was doing strange things to his mind, he figured.

"AH!" Eiji jumped up, hitting his knees on the desk absentmindedly, as he rushed out into the hallway. He had miscalculated slightly, and Oishi was halfway down the hallway already. He had to shout to get his attention. As he opened his mouth to say Oishi's name again, he realized what it was that was bothering him.

Oishi always stopped by Eiji's classroom on his way home, or to practice…and today he hadn't even hesitated at the doorway, nothing. In fact, his steps seemed quicker than normal…

"Oishi!" This time there was a slight catch in Eiji's voice. When Oishi finally turned around, he was relieved that he didn't have to force his smile, but the closer Eiji got to his friend, he found himself wondering if the amiable look on Oishi wasn't just the slightest, tiniest bit…

"Eiji, why are you still here? Tezuka…"

"Oishi…" Eiji ignored the question, his voice quiet, and slightly impatient. He closed his eyes, hiding from the open stare of his friend. "Are you…mad at me?" Usually he would add a little whine to the end of a question like this, but today it seemed somehow inappropriate.

Oishi didn't miss a beat, and his answer was matter-of-fact. "Of course not. What do you mean?"

When Eiji didn't answer, his friend studied him, confused, wondering why he seemed so flustered. At the same time, Oishi couldn't help but notice how this question had caused his breath to catch slightly. His most immediate thought though, was that something else was going on, something that had nothing to do with him. He was able to put aside his underlying feelings for this reason only…

"Eiji…" his voice softened. "Did something happen? What's wrong…"

For a second, Eiji was relieved. This tone of voice, this meant that Oishi really wasn't mad, that maybe he would forgive him, even when he told him the truth.

"Oishi, I wanted to come...to the hospital. I…I really don't know why I didn't. I'm sorry."

"It's ok." Oishi answered briskly. His first impulse was always to appease Eiji. Even now, when it was all he could do to maintain his composure. He wondered if Eiji would be able to read any part of the lie in his words.

"You really don't have to explain…", Oishi tried again, and this time his effort was even more unconvincing.

After a second, he wondered why Eiji wasn't saying anything, wasn't even looking at him. It was unnerving. Oishi found himself wondering for the millionth time what the real reason was that he hadn't seen his friend in a week. At the same time he reminded himself forcefully that he had no right to even notice something like this.

"Eiji? I said it was ok, ok? I'm back, so let's just forget about it."

Eiji's head was lowered, and his voice was shaking. "No. Everyone else came… I know. And I know you must have thought it was weird, but…I couldn't. I don't know why, but…I just…I'm weird, right?" This time his voice did curve upwards slightly.

At first Oishi's eyes had widened in surprise at this confusing attempt at an explanation, but for some reason, he found himself growing more irritated the more he listened. He really, really didn't want to hear one of Eiji's excuses this time.

"Enough already, alright!" Oishi was surprised to find that he had to fight to stop his voice from turning into a shout.

He glanced around nervously. The halls were still filled with people, getting their things together, going off to after-school clubs. Though there was no good reason why anyone should have been paying attention, Oishi could see out of the corner of his eye, the heads turning, as usual. He watched Eiji, who was uncharacteristically shuffling his feet nervously, and biting his lip. For a second he realized he was terrified of what might happen next. But the words slipped out despite all of this.

"Stop going on about it! I said it was ok!"

All the thoughts that had been running around in Eiji's head for a week suddenly froze, and whatever he had planned to say next vanished from his mind. He hated when Oishi raised his voice. But part of him was glad. Oishi had noticed that he hadn't been there. Maybe he had even missed him. He wondered suddenly if a reaction from Oishi hadn't been his goal all along in this conversation.

Eiji leaned in to get a closer look at Oishi's face. It was something most people found annoying when they were angry, but it usually worked on Oishi. He was sure he wasn't able to mask how badly it hurt him when the glare in Oishi's eyes didn't flinch.

"Oishi, I'm sorry!"

"It's ok, really." Oishi smiled, but his voice was undercut with only slightly masked bitterness. "I know how you are, you don't have to say any more."

Eiji blinked, honestly surprised. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Eiji is Eiji. That's all." He smiled again, wondering where this had all come from. He hadn't expected to feel so much anger towards Eiji. If that was even what it was. It was hard for him to tell anymore.

Eiji felt a tightening in his chest as he watched Oishi smiling at him. It was all he could do to stop himself from crying. He could feel the tears threatening, just below the surface. He blinked several times and took a deep breath, concentrating on keeping his voice steady, the words streaming out despite the warnings going off somewhere inside of him…

"You don't know anything about me, Oishi. You think you know everything, but you don't even know one single thing about me, about how I feel…." Eiji's voice had trailed off. He wasn't sure what he was trying to accomplish by saying this. Maybe he was partly testing the words for himself, to see if he could actually say them. Eiji had always believed that Oishi was the one person who knew _everything _about him.

As he listened, Oishi found himself shocked, truly surprised that his friend hadn't turned this into a joke by now, hadn't bounced off to talk to someone else. Eiji hated conflict, after all. Somehow, though he knew it was a mistake, he couldn't help but want to take advantage of the fact that he had captured Eiji's full attention.

Oishi's voice cut through the silence between them. "How _you_ feel, what about how I feel? I'm in the hospital for a week and my best friend can't even be bothered to find the time to come and visit me, even once! Everyone else, people I don't care about at all, they're there. But you? You're always off in your own world…But like I said, I know how you are, I'm used to it."

Eiji gritted his teeth. "You don't know ANYTHING!" He shook his head, frowning to the point where it hurt. He didn't want to be here, having a screaming match in the hallway anymore. But it seemed like the words wouldn't come out any other way. They had come from somewhere deep inside of him, and the volume was almost involuntary. Or maybe he just wanted to make absolutely sure Oishi would listen.

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME!"

People were definitely looking now. And whispering. Some of them were even pointing, and moving quickly into their classrooms. To escape the scene, or to tell their friends what had captured their interest, Oishi couldn't be sure. The funny thing was that usually he enjoyed it. He enjoyed being paired with Eiji, he enjoyed that their names were rarely mentioned separately. Suddenly he snapped back to reality. He was still angry. Really angry. He realized that Eiji was facing him, waiting for his reaction. He measured his words.

"Tell me, what is it Eiji, what is it that I don't know?" Oishi watched as a mixture of hurt and something else flashed in his friend's eyes. He took a step closer, so that his face was inches away from Eiji's.

"WHAT DON'T I KNOW? What could possibly explain how you could be so selfish and immature all the time!!"

Oishi immediately regretted his words, as he watched Eiji's eyes widen. He watched, frozen, as the light behind Eiji's eyes disappeared, and the color drained from his face.

The words seemed to penetrate Eiji's entire body. For a second, it seemed like everything had died inside of him, it hurt so badly. Everything he was been feeling, and all of his emotion, had been crushed under the weight of these words. _How can he not understand what he's asking me? _As his vision clouded over with tears, he thought he saw a flicker of regret in his Oishi's expression, as Eiji watched as he reached out his hand. He immediately closed his eyes, waiting.

But Oishi's hand paused in midair for a second before returning to his side.

Eiji wasn't sure which was worse, that he had expected Oishi to touch him, or the fact that he hadn't. He turned away, embarrassed. _I'm such an idiot. _After a few seconds, he wiped his eyes.

"Never mind." Eiji mumbled the word almost inaudibly.

Oishi watched him, not knowing what to think. _Maybe something really did happen. _

He couldn't stand seeing Eiji upset. Sometimes he resented Eiji's cheerfulness, but he realized now how horrible it was to see him anything but happy. He had seen him frustrated, angry even, but this was different. If he didn't know better he would say that he seemed depressed, but this was Eiji he was talking about. Whatever the situation, he could always count on Eiji to be smiling, oblivious.

Another thought flickered through Oishi's mind, but he quickly halted its progression. There was just no way that Eiji would have missed him. After all, if he had, he would have come to see him, right? Oishi shook his head inwardly, as he had many times in the past week. _I have no right…to be angry…_

"You're right, let's just forget about it, ok? I didn't mean what I said. I'm sorry, ok?" When he received no response, Oishi reached out his hand and touched Eiji's shoulder, this time with only the slightest hesitation.

"Come on, let's go. Are you hungry?" Oishi tightened his grip on his friend's shoulder slightly. "Eiji?"

The sun had begun to set already, and the halls were empty now. Even the last of the buses had left. Funny, Oishi was thinking, that he hadn't even noticed how the school had thinned out, and that they were alone now.

Eiji closed his eyes, concentrating on the warmth of Oishi's hand on his shoulder for a second before he jerked away suddenly, startling both of them. When he spoke, the words that came out surprised him.

"No. No, I have to go. I have some things I need to do before I go home, so..."

"Can I come with you?" Oishi offered. _This is strange. This whole thing is just strange._

"No. I mean, I'll be in a hurry so…"He could hear his voice, but the words seemed to come from somewhere outside of himself. He wondered briefly if it seemed strange to Oishi too.

"Ok, if you say so. See you at practice tomorrow morning then?"

_It's over. Just like that… _It didn't seem right, somehow, but he couldn't deny it. The conversation had been over for a while now, Eiji realized.

"Sure."

The word resonated inside of him, hollow, yet filled with a strange weight. Eiji watched as Oishi turned down the empty hallway, waiting until he was almost out of sight, before he forced his feet to move forward again.

………………………………………………………………..

_**A/N:** Ok, so this is the end of Chapter One! Please let me know what you think. This is my first attempt at something like this, and so any comments/criticisms are greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading! _


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

Eiji told himself he was walking aimlessly, but he knew that the forward motion of his legs was being governed by one thing. He had to escape that smile, those words, the look in Oishi's eyes that seemed to confirm everything he feared the most. Oishi _had_ been angry with him, this much was clear. Anger he could deal with, but…the look in Oishi's eyes had been of disapproval, of honest disappointment. He was sure that it was this look that had hurt most of all. He couldn't figure out how it had turned out this way. Oishi was back now. Everything was supposed to be fine.

He was aware suddenly of how his optimistic outlook on everything sometimes made the reality of the situation that much worse. Before he allowed himself to dwell on this too much though, he felt a familiar tug of childish denial in the corners of his mind, pulling his thoughts to a more comfortable place.

He really had to decide where it was he was walking to.

There had to be somewhere to go. If he managed to stay out late enough, he could slip in after dark to his bedroom without seeing anyone, he was thinking. But he didn't feel like eating, and the shops would be closing soon. He thought about Fuji's house, but decided against it quickly. Besides, he realized, even if he stayed out late, he just couldn't imagine that when he did get home there wouldn't be _someone_ awake.

Suddenly he stopped in his tracks, realizing where he had ended up. The streetlights around him hummed, casting a soft light on the empty playground. The swing set was new, he realized, sitting down. He tested it a bit, for good measure, recognizing the familiar squeak that came when he moved back and forth. A memory of himself as a child brought a slight smile to his lips. He had had a lot of fun here.

_That's right. _He realized something all of the sudden. _This is where it probably started. _

He had been small when he was younger - always the smallest in his class, and in his family - so he had had a hard time in elementary school. But it didn't take him long to figure out what his talents were, and how to use them to his advantage. Most of his first tricks, which had eventually developed into the acrobatics that he performed so easily now, had gotten their start here.

His energetic personality had developed here too, as he learned that he could ward off nearly any attack or insult by showing off his strange and unpredictable acts of pliancy, most of which seemed to defy gravity, as well as common sense. His honest, unflinching smile hadn't hurt him either.

By the beginning of junior high, it was understood that Eiji would always be smiling and laughing, no matter what. When he was happy, which was nearly all the time, his cheerfulness rubbed off on the people around him, to the point where his enthusiasm could easily be called infectious. Before he knew it, he was popular, and always surrounded by friends.

It was his acrobatics though, that had led him to tennis, to Seigaku, to becoming one half of the school's famous doubles team. His acrobatics had taken him to the Nationals last year, and earned Oishi and him the title of Golden Pair. Thoughts coming full circle,Eiji let out the breath he had been holding, his nostalgic mood fading quickly.

_Oishi…_Oishi was supposed to be the one who knew him best. Oishi was supposed to know the answers to everything.

It was getting dark now, and Eiji wondered how long he had been sitting there. He was trying not to replay his conversation with Oishi in his mind but he couldn't help it.

"_You're always off in your own world…But like I said, I know how you are, I'm used to it."_

_Is that really true? Is that how he sees me? _

He just couldn't push it away anymore, and a feeling of hopelessness seemed to fill him completely, replacing the tension he had been carrying around for the past week. Things were supposed to be fixed by now, and he honestly didn't know what to do next. With Oishi gone, it had felt like part of him was missing…but he had been sure that when he saw Oishi again, when he talked to him, that everything would be fine.

He was starting to panic, as he thought of how he really had no idea how to act now, at school the next day, and more importantly, at tennis practice. Now that Oishi was back, it would be really strange if things weren't as they always had been between them. He thought about the people in the hallway who had been staring at them. He didn't care about them, but tomorrow, at practice…his friends would ask questions. Oishi would probably forget about their argument, but…

_Why didn't I realize that I wouldn't be able to tell him? _

He was crying now, his shoulders shaking, his body giving in to a pull on his emotions that was so strong it threatened to drag him under. He realized something, in an instant that seemed to stretch and illuminate every memory that had meant something to him in the past few years. From the day he had stepped onto the court and smiled brightly at his new partner, to the exhilaration they shared after winning each match, and every moment in between - even the blinding, painful realization last week that had started this whole thing – it was all right there, in precise detail. It was suddenly so…_obvious_.

This overwhelming bond of friendship, and this unspoken desire to fill the distance between two people. It was real. It was the most important thing. It was everything, Eiji realized. Without a doubt, it was everything.

"Oishi, what should I do?" He said the words out loud.

……………………………………………………………….

Oishi felt his heart stop for a second. He had been watching Eiji the whole time, and had been considering approaching him, but as he heard these words he froze.

He immediately regretted his decision to follow Eiji. Why hadn't he just ignored it, this feeling that had compelled him to turn around, as he heard Eiji's footsteps echoing down the hallway. It had almost seemed outside of his control. He told himself now that he had just been curious, because it was unlike Eiji to lie, even about something so small…

But now, he had seen something that he shouldn't have. He had no idea how to deal with this, or what this could possibly mean. When a thought surfaced, suggesting that maybe that he _did _know, it was buried immediately, by Oishi's practical side, which was reminding him that he had to extract himself from this situation as delicately as possible.

The best option seemed to be to just leave, disappear, and pretend this had never happened.

But something was pulling him back. This was Eiji. Eiji who was crying. Eiji who was upset, and Eiji who had just said his name with an intensity that caused a chill to run down his spine.

Oishi could feel his face getting hot. But he couldn't, he realized, he just couldn't be here anymore. His legs were paralyzed for a few seconds, but it didn't take him long to turn calmly and walk away, leaving the image of the playground and the person crying with disarming abandon as just that, an image. Oishi was aware that it was uncharacteristic of him to react like this, to abandon someone who so obviously needed him, especially when this person was a friend. Though he came up with several convincing reasons for his decision, he couldn't deny the fact that the further he got from Eiji, the more it felt like a betrayal.

……………………………………..

When Eiji finally arrived home, he was completely drained. He had used the long walk to force himself to stop thinking, to stop crying, to stop trying to find a solution to this impossibly huge problem. It would just have to wait until later because…well, mostly because he was just tired. He wasn't used to being depressed, to being drained of his energy for any reason other than physical exhaustion. He was sure it didn't suit him at all, and besides, he knew he would have to stop acting like this sooner or later. He would have to face a lot of people in school the next day. He figured he might as well practice with his family.

But, it wasn't until he was half undressed for his bath that someone noticed he had come home. He couldn't help but allow this small piece of luck to cheer him up a bit. He murmured some form of agreement to the typical questions asked and exchanged good nights with his father through the bathroom door.

He listened to the sounds of his house, the muffled sound of the TV coming from his parents' room downstairs, someone thundering up the stairs and down the hallway past his room. He cringed as something crashed, hoping it hadn't come from the direction he thought it had.

Sinking into the bath, Eiji tried to relax. He felt like he had spent the last week in a sort of fog.Alone again, the thoughts were creeping back in. He couldn't believe it had only been just over a week ago since all of this had started. Well, he guessed he knew now that it had really started long before then.

He allowed his mind, with some hesitation, to trace back to the day Oishi collapsed on the court. He wondered, not for the first time, if he had been waiting for something like this all along. Maybe it had been inevitable, after all.

Eiji closed his eyes, seeing the events once again in a strange sort of slow motion.

………………………………………………………

**One Week Earlier**

Eiji had honestly had second thoughts about going out onto the court with Oishi that day. He had tried his best to persuade his friend to sit out the practice, but it just wasn't like Oishi to change his mind about something once he was set on it. And it wasn't like Eiji to turn down a chance to play doubles with Oishi.

It was Friday morning practice, and Oishi had been sick all week, but was typically pushing himself at practice, as he had been for several days, although he was visibly worn out. They were in the middle of their second practice match, and were changing courts. Eiji had gotten a few steps ahead of Oishi before he felt a slight pull on the back of his jersey. Eiji started to turn around, sensing that something was wrong, but before he knew it, Oishi was falling towards him, and they were both on their way to collapsing on the pavement.

The funny thing was, it was universally agreed upon that Eiji had the best balance on the team, to the point where it was almost unnatural. He couldn't even remember the last time he had tripped, or stumbled in the slightest way, on the court, or off. His whole playing style was based on his complete stability in any situation, in any possible position he could twist his body into. That was what made what happened next so completely absurd.

It happened in half a second, and no matter how many times Eiji replayed the scene in his mind, he couldn't figure out why he hadn't even tried to break their fall. At some point he had simply closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, he realized that he was lying on the court, flat on his back.

"I'm sorry, Eiji!" Oishi's voice was weak, and his face was flushed with color. He was breathing heavily. "I didn't know what else to do. I thought you'd catch me." He let out a small laugh.

Eiji looked down at himself and realized that his pants were ripped. He could see the stain of blood, soaking through the white cotton. Strangely, he hadn't felt the impact, and he couldn't feel any pain, even now.

He looked down at Oishi, who had landed almost completely on top of him, and felt something shift inside of him. Oishi's face, his hair, the shape of his arms - everything seemed different. Oishi was a completely different person to him, at that moment.

Out of the corner of his eye he could see people running towards them, and he was sure they were shouting, but he couldn't hear anything. He was aware of the weight of Oishi's body on top of him, but it didn't feel heavy. Oishi's skin was warm, where their arms were touching.Eiji told himself to get up, but he couldn't move.His heart was pounding, so hard he could barely breathe. Oishi had closed his eyes, and his head had fallen on Eiji's chest. Eiji could feel Oishi's body moving slightly with each breath. He concentrated on this rhythm, until his own breathing matched Oishi's exactly, the same way he coordinated his footwork with Oishi's during practice. He was sure he should be doing something, calling for help, or something, but his head was spinning. Being close to Oishi like this, he realized, made him happier than he could ever remember being. The last thing he remembered was thinking that he wanted everything to stay like this forever, that he never wanted to move.

Eiji found out later that they had both been unconscious when the ambulance came. He must have hit his head when they fell, though he didn't remember this. Oishi, as it turned out, didn't remember anything at all.

…………………………………………………………….

Eiji had suffered a slight concussion, and was released from the emergency room after a few hours. Fuji had stayed with him the whole time. From the time he had woken up in the ambulance all Eiji could think about was that everything just seemed wrong. He should have been with Oishi, or Oishi should have been here with him, not each of them, in the same hospital, apart. He might have said as much to Fuji, as they waited for the doctor, but he couldn't remember. Either way, he didn't care. He needed to see Oishi. He asked so many times, that finally Fuji convinced the doctors that Eiji could be trusted to stand quietly by Oishi's bed and not disturb him.

Eiji had listened, though not without interrupting several times, to Fuji, as he explained calmly what the doctors had told him. Oishi had pneumonia, and his condition probably could have been avoided had he not pushed himself so hard with tennis and school all week. As it was now, it was a moderate case, and since Oishi was generally healthy and in top physical condition, it was predicted he would be released from the hospital in several days.

As Eiji stood by Oishi's bed, looking down at his friend, who was sleeping peacefully as he always did, he frowned, thinking of how stupid he had been to agree to playing practice matches with Oishi when he had known how sick he was. He stared at Oishi for a while, going over in his mind all the things he should have done to prevent this. There was no way Oishi would have ever let this happen to him. All Eiji, or anyone, for that matter, had to do was sneeze, and Oishi was dragging them off to the nurse, or…

Oishi made a small noise, shifting his body slightly. And just like that, everything seemed to turn upside down again.

Everything Eiji had experienced on the court came back with pinpoint clarity. The weight of Oishi's body, his hair brushing Eiji's cheek, the warmth of his bare skin - it was making Eiji's legs shake, and he wondered if he would be able to keep his promise of not causing a disturbance and waking Oishi up.

He was suddenly terrified. There was no way he could hide something like this from Oishi. He would notice, and ask questions, and Eiji was bad at lying. Oishi would know that he fell on purpose because…because why? He had no idea, but he couldn't tell Oishi something weird like this. Oishi might even get angry. He couldn't imagine how he would be able to look his friend in the eye anymore.

The thought of a world where Oishi was actually and honestly angry at him, a world where he was not Oishi's friend, his doubles partner, the other half of the Golden Pair – suddenly this possibility flashed before Eiji. He thought for a second that he might be sick, or scream at the top of his lungs, or…

_I refuse. I refuse to let anything change. _It was that easy. It had to be.

…………………………………………………………………

The regulars had agreed to meet at the hospital to visit Oishi in the morning and Eiji was excited. He was always excited when he had any kind of plans, especially with the whole team. Besides he would get to see Oishi, and thinking of this brought a smile to his face. He wasn't having any trouble at all forgetting what had happened on the court, or how he had felt seeing Oishi again in the hospital. This was one of Eiji's many talents – being able to absolutely and completely live within the moment. It wasn't like him to dwell on anything, and he wasn't about to start now. It was just too weird, that he would not be able to act normal around Oishi. In fact, it was just plain ridiculous, he told himself, smiling.

That night, he baked two batches of cookies, his mother's special recipe. He knew Oishi would be happy. He always told Oishi that he couldn't ask his mom to make them _every _day or they wouldn't be her special cure-for-anything-recipe-cookies anymore. A brief moment of clarity for Eiji, he was sure Oishi had thought.

After his bath, he tried to sleep. It was the weekend coming up, and there were no matches, and after the incident at today's practice Ryuzaki-sensei had given them the weekend off.

He wondered what he would do after meeting the team. With no tennis, and Oishi in the hospital, his prospects seemed rather limited. He hated being bored, sitting still. Even now, he was completely filled with nervous energy. Maybe he could get Fuji or Momo to agree to a match…though he doubted it would be much fun without Oishi.

His mind kept coming back to the same place. He was worried. How could Oishi be sick? Oishi was _never _sick. If only he would take better care of himself, and realize that the world wouldn't stop if he took a day off school, or sat out a practice, Eiji was thinking, realizing his hands had curled into fists.

_Oishi…_. _I'm so sorry. I should have realized you were too sick to play that match._

Something in the back of his mind was telling him not to think too much, about Oishi's body pressed again his on the court, about his knees shaking as he stood next to Oishi's bed. He pushed away what thoughts did surface.

Instead, he thought about what he could do to make Oishi feel better. He was sure seeing everyone would cheer Oishi up. Oishi didn't have a big family like he did, so the team was really important to him, he was thinking. For a second, Eiji found himself wishing that he didn't have to meet everyone, that he could visit Oishi alone. He realized how silly this was though. _Of course I can visit him on my own if I want to…later…or tomorrow…or…_

But maybe Oishi would even be back to school on Monday. He couldn't imagine what it would be like if he wasn't. Everything will be fine, he told himself. It had to be, because this was Oishi, this was his closest friend, this was the person he counted on for everything.

………………………………………….

The next day, he woke up late. When he arrived at the hospital, out of breath, Fuji spotted him first and graciously gave up his place in the impromptu line that had formed, with his usual all-knowing smile.

Tezuka had gone into Oishi's room first, and as Eiji watched the smile spread on Oishi's face as he talked to their captain, he felt his heart suddenly seize up.

In an instant, he felt something rising up inside of him, an overpowering anger that he felt like he almost couldn't control. He recognized the feeling immediately. _I'm jealous. _The realization came first as a shock, and then it somehow made perfect sense. _I'm jealous of all of these people. Of everyone that he smiles at._

It made sense, but Eiji was ashamed of his thoughts at the same time. These were his friends, his teammates… There was no reason for him to feel like this. It seemed wrong for him to think this way. But he could feel his heart racing. And he knew exactly why…

_Because he's there, Oishi's right there. And I want to be the only one that he smiles at like that. I want to be close to him. I want all of these people to leave…_

When he was alone he could push these thoughts away, but with Oishi right there… He didn't even want to think about what would happen if he had to look Oishi in the face right now. He couldn't stand it anymore.

"I have to be somewhere, I just remembered." Eiji blurted the words out, not in the least bit aware of which teammate he was standing next to.

Momo stared at him in confusion. "But we just…"

"Sorry, sorry, but I have to go…I…um…" He was stammering miserably, but he should still be able to get out of this, he was thinking. After all, this was _Momo…_

He felt a hand on his shoulder. "Kikumaru-san…" Fuji. _Oh no. _

"AH! Fuji! Here…" He shoved the wrapped package of cookies at Fuji, without looking at his face. "Tell Oishi I'm sorry, ok?"

"Hmm." Fuji turned his head sideways, studying Eiji, who seemed to be ready to squirm out of his skin. Fuji smiled, curious.

"Nya! Fu-jii… stop looking at me like that! Please!" He gave Fuji a quick, fumbling bow of exit, not waiting for his response.

Eiji told himself when he got home that he would stop by the hospital tomorrow, or on the way home from school on Monday, but somehow that never happened. It was the same every day, until before he knew it, it was the weekend again.

………………………………………….

All week, Eiji had been almost literally sick with worry. He went to all his classes, he even took notes, reminding himself that he wouldn't be able to borrow Oishi's later since he wasn't there, but when he tried to study at night, he couldn't remember anything that he was supposed to have learned, and he could barely read his handwriting. He couldn't sleep.

Each day that passed just made it that much harder to justify visiting Oishi. He would have to explain why he hadn't come the day before, and… He just didn't know what to do. He was sure Oishi was mad, or hurt, and sometimes when he thought about that, it seemed like the whole world was crashing down around him. Still, it didn't make it any easier. He really wasn't used to being confused about anything, and it was making him more than a little irrational.

He was sure that most of his teammates wrote his moods off as him being worried about Oishi, which, in itself, was not uncommon or surprising. They probably thought it was strange that he never joined them to visit Oishi, but he didn't argue when several people indicated that they assumed he was visiting Oishi on his own, before school. After all, they were close friends, and this would make sense.

He felt like the whole week was all some kind of strange dream. In a way, time had seemed to stop, while at the same time, he knew the days were rushing by too quickly. It seemed that there was no time for him to react, or think, or anything, even though he spent all day and all night recycling the same thoughts over and over. It seemed so unfair, and everything seemed out of balance.

When he finally realized that he might not be able to fix the situation he was putting himself in, it felt like it was already too late.

He needed Oishi to come back. More than anything, he knew this was what he needed. He was sure that when Oishi came back, things would be fine. When Fuji told him that Oishi was expected back in school the next day, he had immediately planned his apology, relieved that things would go back to normal. He had planned to tell Oishi everything, because he really believed that since Oishi knew all the answers, and that he would know the answer to this.

_Why didn't I realize that I would never be able to tell him?_

…………………………………………..

There was a knock on the bathroom door.

"Eiji!" It was his sister. He wondered how long he had been in the bath. "What are you doing in there?"

"Ah, sorry, sorry! I'm getting out now!" He jumped out of the bath, trying to dry off, and then hastily pulled his robe around his body.

Eiji opened the door, and watched the steam surround his sister's face as she leaned so close to him that he almost jumped.

"Nya, Aoi…" he whined. "You scared me…"

She stared at him for a second, and then poked him on the forehead, frowning. "Something's wrong with you. I'm going to take a bath and then you're going to tell me what it is, ok?"

"Eh?" Eiji sighed dramatically. "But I'm tired!" This was what he was trying to avoid. "And…" Eiji pouted, "There's nothing wrong with me." But he knew his protesting wouldn't do any good. Once Aoi made up her mind to get something out of him, she almost always got her way.

He did manage to scramble past her, and into his room at the end of the hall before she could say anything else though.

As he shut the door behind him, he sighed again. He caught a glimpse of his face in the mirror, and was surprised to see that his eyes were still slightly red and puffy. _No wonder I couldn't escape Aoi…_He had no idea what he would say to his sister. Part of him wanted to tell her everything. He knew she would understand, would try to make him feel better, but another part of him wanted desperately to protect his secret. Somehow, if he didn't tell anyone, it made what was happening to him that much less real. He closed his eyes. _But how am I going to figure anything out, if I don't tell anyone? _

Before he knew it, Aoi was knocking.

"Ok, I'm here, talk to me." Aoi smiled, grabbing a pillow and plopping down on the floor across from her brother. "And don't try this 'it's nothing' bullshit, because I know you, and it won't work."

She watched the smile fade from her brother's face, as he stared at the floor, shifting his weight uncomfortably.

"Come on, Eiji, I'm good at solving problems, remember?"

"Ok, ok." He sighed. _There's no getting around it, I guess. _

He took a deep breath, surprised that he was now almost eager to say what was on his mind.

"What would you do if you liked someone but you knew it would never work and that you could never tell them." He said the words quickly, and kept his face down, but he knew that he was turning red anyway.

"How do you know it won't work until you tell them?"

"Because I just know…"

Aoi rolled her eyes at this, before settling into her serious advice-giving mode.

"Well, then it depends." She watched her brother's face carefully. "Do you love this person?"

"Nya! Aoi! That's…well…" He should have known that his sister wasn't going to let him off easily with this. Still, a question like this, with no warning, was surprising, and he realized he had no idea how to respond.

Aoi was determined to make her brother answer, though she was fairly certain that she knew the answer to her question already, judging by the various shades of red that Eiji was turning. She smiled inside though; her brother in love was surely an interesting turn of events.

"Yes or no!" She fought the urge to laugh as she watched Eiji squirming around, trying to figure out how to answer.

Eiji was fighting to get the words out despite the fact that his throat was suddenly dry and there were what sounded like a million bells and whistles going off in his mind, distracting him, and making him wish he could disappear into the floor, sure that his face couldn't possibly turn any more colors.

"Yes!" he finally managed. "Of course! I mean, I don't really know…but…"

"But you've tried to forget about how you feel and you can't, right?"

Eiji nodded, his mind calming down, and settling back down into a fairly sane level of confusion.

"Then you have to confess."

He was silent for a second, and then he looked at Aoi, his face serious. "I can't. I can't do that." He said the words quietly.

"Sure you can, what do you have to lose, right? You have to!"

"No! Because I already know that it won't work. If I tell them, it will make everything worse, and…and I can't lose this person, I just can't."

"Eiji, is this person a friend of yours?"

Eiji felt his face getting hot again, and this time he could feel his eyes burning.

"Well, it's true that it makes it a lot harder if the person is a friend, but you still have to tell them. Your feelings won't just go away, and you'll just end up hurting yourself, and probably your friend too. This person…they should be able to listen to your feelings and give you an honest answer."

Aoi leaned in closer to her brother, trying to figure out the best way to help him. "Eiji, you can't control who you love, and love isn't something you're meant to keep to yourself. That's why it hurts, you know?"

"But this person, I don't think that…" Eiji chose the words carefully… "I don't think that they want…me. To like them. To tell them how I feel. I really don't think they want that. At all. And since I already know, there's no way I can risk…losing them."

"But it hurts, right? Not to tell them?"

"It…hurts. Of course it hurts…"

"Then…?"

"But it would hurt so much more…to lose that person. To have them hate me… And I so I can't."

Aoi seemed to ponder this for a second, and then smiled. "You know, Eiji, I have to say that you really surprised me…" She looked at her brother, taking in the look on his face, his body language, everything. She had never seen him this flustered before. "I just would never have expected it to be something like this. It's not like you at all. And you're so serious about it."

"I know."

She tried to ignore the completely dejected look on her brother's face. "That's why I'm absolutely sure that I'm not wrong about this! Eiji, you have to tell this person how you feel! You're not the kind of person who keeps secrets, who holds things inside. Especially something as important as love. It's a really good thing, to fall in love, and even if you're rejected, it's better than having regrets. Don't you think you would be happier knowing you were honest?"

"I don't know. Maybe…"

Aoi watched as her brother's face brightened a tiny bit. "Well, think about it. Seriously, just think about it, ok?"

"Ok."

"And smile, alright? Wow, I never thought I would have to tell _you_ that..." She slouched down trying to see her brother's face. "Eiji?" She could see that his shoulders were shaking.

Pulling him close to her, she hugged him tightly, her voice taking on a protective level of concern. "Eiji, come on, ok? It's kind of scary to see you like this…"

Eiji was sniffling, trying to stop his tears. "I'm sorry…"

Aoi was slightly shocked. Eiji was so cheerful all the time, and she had always sort of envied him, for being able to maintain such a good attitude. She realized now how ridiculous it was to think this way about him. _Of course, he's the same as everyone else…_

After a minute or so, he pulled away from her, wiping his eyes, and apologizing again.

"Eiji, it's ok. Do you feel any better?"

"Sure…" He forced himself to smile. "Thanks Aoi. For listening to me…I'm sure it seems silly."

"Not at all! It's not silly at all, ok?"

………………………………………..

He did feel a little better, he realized after Aoi had left. He usually wasn't one to seek out advice, but, it did feel kind of good, to talk to someone.

Was it possible that Aoi was right? Already, he regretted a lot of things about the past week. Maybe that was the problem, after all. He didn't want to keep anything from Oishi, and he didn't want to regret anything else, either. But, there was no way he could think about it anymore tonight. As he closed his eyes, he promised himself that he would seriously think about what Aoi had said. Tomorrow.

………………………………………….

_**A/N: **Chapter Two – finished! I know it's a lot longer than the first chapter, but I didn't want to break these parts up really, so…I hope it was ok. Please review, and let me know. Thanks for reading! _


	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

It had taken one night. Well, until lunch the next day, actually, for Eiji to realize that absolutely no good was going to come from worrying about how things were going to end up between him and Oishi.

Agonizing about how to keep his feelings hidden from Oishi was driving him insane. He couldn't concentrate on the court, or in class, and it was clear that this just wasn't going to work unless something changed. More importantly though, it just felt wrong, keeping something so big and important from someone he cared about so much. It was obvious to him now, and maybe it always had been, that his feelings were real, and he knew that they wouldn't go away no matter how long he waited. And more than anything, Eiji admitted, when he allowed himself to really think about it, he _wanted_ Oishi to know. After he had come to this conclusion, dwelling on the problem was just not an option anymore. He had to _do _something. He had to figure out how to tell Oishi everything, if he ever wanted things to be normal again between them. He needed a plan.

_**One week later**_

It was the beginning of a new week, and Seigaku had just finished a particularly tough practice. Everyone was in top form, motivated by the matches scheduled for the coming weekend. Though summer was over, and the air was finally beginning to cool down in the evenings, the demanding workout had left everyone exhausted, as out of breath and drenched with sweat as ever.

Eiji stood by the side of the court, twirling his racket through his fingers, trying to distract himself from staring at Oishi too much. _Why can't he just answer me already, _he was thinking, as his finger caught on a string and the racket clattered to the ground noisily.

'_Nya…_' he murmured to himself, huffing a little as he scraped his racket from the ground, annoyed at his uncharacteristic clumsiness. As he stood up, he snuck a look at his partner, out of the corner of his eye.

He was sure that Oishi thought it was strange, his wanting to meet so late, and away from school, but there didn't seem to be any other way. They had to be alone, and he couldn't run the risk of one of the regulars showing up on the courts at Seigaku, so he had chosen an out of the way court, across town. Luckily, Eiji figured Oishi was used to unpredictable requests coming from his doubles partner, so he hoped he wouldn't think too much of this one.

Eiji watched as a thin line of sweat passed from Oishi's hairline to his temple. His stomach fluttered a little, but he was getting used to the feeling, to the point where it had stopped fazing him quite so much. A lot had happened in the past couple of weeks, but Eiji was adaptable, and this seemed to be working to his advantage.

Their conversation in the hallway the day Oishi came back to school had been all but forgotten. If Oishi seemed slightly distant and a little busier than normal, Eiji hadn't noticed. He was too busy plotting, planning and scheming the perfect way to solve his problem. And even if it did seem that Oishi had been less…attentive lately, it didn't seem to matter, Eiji told himself. He knew that everything would be perfectly in synch again after he carried out his plan. Either that or…Eiji stopped his thoughts immediately. The important thing was the plan.

Eiji's heart had been pounding since the end of practice but this wasn't really bothering him. In fact, he kind of enjoyed the feeling. As he continued to stare at Oishi, he realized that more than anything else, he was happy. This was it, this was the day, he was thinking to himself. Finally, it seemed, though it had only been a week since he had decided that, without a doubt, he would have to tell Oishi how he felt.

Eiji was so pleased with his plan that he could hardly wait for Oishi's answer anymore. Was it really that hard to agree to a practice session with your doubles partner? He watched Oishi, who was apparently weighing the pros and cons of his invitation in painstaking detail. Eiji sighed impatiently. This was exactly why he had to follow his sister's advice and get this over with.

"Oishi!"

Oishi glanced up for a second, shaken from his thought process by Eiji's over-zealous tone.

"You'll come, right?" Eiji asked again, frowning. "You have to promise me." He added, with a note of seriousness.

"Eiji, I just don't understand why we have to go all the way across town. The Yamato Line terminates at Nansei Park, so I'll have to…"

It would take him at least two subway transfers to get to their destination. Not that he minded, it was just… Oishi paused to glance at his partner, who was busy performing his best stern impression. He smiled for a second, amused, before his brow furrowed again, as he mentally reviewed his route.

_How he can stand worrying so much all the time? _Eiji was thinking. Sure, it was endearing, but… didn't Oishi realize how important this was to him?

"Just promise me, ok?" Eiji tried to forget his frustration for a second, as he flashed Oishi his very best and most convincing smile.

Oishi was suddenly distracted from his apprehension. Didn't Eiji realize how disarming it was when he looked at him like that? Oishi had always thought that Eiji's eyes could easily swallow him, and everything around him, if they wanted to. _How does he do that?_ Oishi studied his friend for a second, wondering if Eiji's eyes had this same effect on everyone. He mentally shook off a slight twinge of jealousy.

"Nya, O-i-shi! Come on!" Eiji could have jumped out of his skin, he was so anxious. "This is _important. _Promise me. Now!"

Mixed in with the bubbling enthusiasm, he detected a hint of apprehension in Eiji's voice, as if he thought maybe Oishi might actually refuse. Oishi couldn't help but laugh a little.

"Ok, ok. I'll be there." Oishi watched the light spread across Eiji's face, and smiled, any other thoughts in his mind dissolving almost instantly.

…………………………………………………………….

As Oishi walked home, he realized what it was that was nagging at the back of his mind. It was impossible to reconcile the ecstatic grin Eiji had been wearing just now with how upset he had been when Oishi had watched him on the playground. All week he had been having similar thoughts, and in the end, he just couldn't make sense of any of it. Maybe that was why he had been having trouble looking at Eiji lately.

He honestly couldn't help but wonder if he had imagined the whole thing in the hallway, and what he had seen after they left school. If Eiji was still upset about anything, he certainly wasn't showing it. In fact, it was the exact opposite. All week Eiji had been overly energetic, and just now, he had seemed genuinely happy. And if Eiji was happy, Oishi told himself, pushing his thoughts and questions away, that was all that really mattered, right?

……………………………………………………………

It was already mostly dark, and the breeze carried a slight chill, indicating that fall was fast approaching. Eiji stretched his long legs out in front of him, as he leaned against the fence, staring at the empty court, waiting. _This has to be the first time I've ever gotten anywhere before Oishi!_ Eiji laughed for a second before his face turned contemplative again.

He was thinking of Oishi, naturally. Not of what he would say to him, he had already gone over that so many times in the past week that he could say the words in his sleep. Instead, he was merely thinking _of _him.

The play that had won them the practice match this afternoon had been flawless, as usual. It was wonderful, Eiji thought, being able to play doubles with someone who read his movements so perfectly. He realized suddenly that he was extremely grateful to his coaches, who had realized the potential success of their combination. He certainly would never have played doubles with anyone if he had had a choice. Eiji had been furious when his coach had taken him out of singles, and assigned him to be Oishi's doubles partner. He never imagined that there was someone so perfectly suited to support him on the court. Of course he knew now that he was a thousand times more successful as Oishi's partner than he could have ever been on his own in singles.

Now, Eiji jumped at every chance to play next to Oishi and this is how it had been, pretty much since the first time they had stepped on the court together. It hadn't taken more than two or three plays for Eiji to realize how perfectly they complemented each other. He couldn't even remember now how he had played tennis before Oishi, or what it had been like on the court without him there.

Everything seemed so transparent now. He couldn't believe that he hadn't seen it before. It _had_ been inevitable, Eiji decided, standing up strait and stretching his arms into the night air.

…………………………………………………………

After a few minutes, Eiji recognized familiar footsteps approaching. It was all he could do to keep himself from running to meet them. He wasn't nervous, he realized, just excited, and this surprised him a little.

Eiji counted to ten before turning his head, and greeting his friend with a smile, not being able to stop himself from bouncing a little.

"You're late, Oishi!"

Oishi denied this good-naturedly, and Eiji's smile grew even wider.

Oishi set his bag on the bench next to them and glanced at Eiji, holding his eyes for a moment, searching, genuinely curious. Eiji's expression was hard to decipher at first, but Oishi recognized the familiar intensity. "So are you going to tell me what we're doing here?"

Moving purposefully, Eiji bent over, unzipping his bag and pulling out his racket, his back to Oishi. He flipped the racket over his wrist several times with ease before turning to face his partner.

"I want you to play a match with me."

Oishi blinked, confused. He could tell Eiji was serious. His game-face was unmistakable. Still, he couldn't figure it out. "What! But, we could have just…"

Eiji continued, as if he hadn't heard the question. "But, you have to promise me that you'll keep playing, that you'll finish the match, no matter what."

"I don't understand…"

"Because I have something really important to tell you, and…" Eiji said the words as he'd rehearsed them… "And you have to finish the match after I tell you. Even if you're angry, even if you hate me and you want to leave and never see me again. You have to finish the match. Promise me."

"Eiji…" The look on Eiji's face had stopped him mid-thought. This was different than Eiji's game face, this was…this was a look Oishi had never seen before. Somehow he managed to regain his composure. "Why would I…What's going on? What are you talking about?"

"Promise me!" Eiji held out his hand, willing it to remain steady.

_This is it. This is the only way I can do this. My only chance. And it will be ok, as long as we finish this match. I'll tell him everything, and he'll have to listen, and he'll have to take me seriously._

"Ok, I promise." Oishi stared at Eiji's face, trying to read through the layers of determination and apprehension and excitement that had flashed across his friends face, all in seemingly the same instant. He honestly had no idea what Eiji was thinking at that moment. Oishi was scared, he realized, though he had no idea why.

……………………………………………………….

Eiji opened his eyes, tentatively. He had said everything, exactly as planned, and without too much hesitation. It had actually been much been easier than he'd imagined. But now… there was no way he could really be hearing what he was hearing.

Oishi was doubled over, laughing, almost hysterically.

"Eiji, what kind of joke is this!"

Eiji could barely hear him. He kept a firm grip on his racket, though he knew that this was illogical. His balance had been shaken, and the racket wasn't going to help.

"Oishi, it's not a joke…" Eiji was confused. Maybe Oishi hadn't heard him properly. He briefly thought of repeating everything again, but Oishi had opened his mouth to say something else…

"Eiji, did you just try to tell me that you're _in love _with me? You're insane! And this isn't funny!" But Oishi was still laughing, though it seemed somewhat forced now.

Eiji froze, feeling his heart sink. _No…impossible… _He took a step closer to the net that divided them.

"OISHI! It's not a joke. I'm serious. I'm really serious."

"Eiji, you CAN'T be serious."

And Oishi wasn't laughing anymore.

"Oishi, please! I wanted to explain…" He strained to see Oishi's face, but it was dark, and he was too far away.

"EIJI! I SAID YOU _CAN'T _BE SERIOUS!"

"Why, Oishi? Why can't I be serious! I told you, I am! It's not a joke, I…Why won't you listen?" The shock of Oishi's reaction had left him defenseless. He was desperate for something more to say, anything…

"SHUT UP, EIJI! I'm trying to let you out of this, ok!"

Eiji's eyes widened and anything he might have come up with dissolved as he watched Oishi cross the court, walking over to where he had laid his bag. _I can't believe this. This can't be happening. _Oishi was unzipping his bag, his racket disappearing into the black padded opening.

"You…you promised…to finish…" Eiji's voice trailed off as he stared in the vague direction of the opposite court.

Oishi stopped, turning slightly so he was facing Eiji, his face still masked by the shadows on the outskirts of the court.

"I'm done with this match, Eiji. You win."

Oishi turned around quickly, picking up his bag and throwing it over his shoulder. "I'll see you at practice tomorrow morning."

And he was gone.

………………………………………………………….

Eiji stood there in the dark for a long time, unable to move. His eyes followed Oishi as he walked off the court, and as his shadow disappeared down the street leading to the subway. It never occurred to him to go after him.

The air was getting cold, and Eiji shivered. His legs were shaking, so he sat down, laying his racket down beside him. He realized he had been gripping the rubber so tightly that it had made a strange imprint on his fingers. His mind was blank. For a long time he just sat there, staring at the court, at the net, at the place where Oishi had been standing.

Neither of them had even scored a point yet. He thought about how Oishi had told him that he had won the match, and how crazy that was. He started laughing, and couldn't stop for a long time. There seemed to be a wall in his mind that blocked out the rest of the words they had exchanged.

_I wonder what time it is? _He realized suddenly that he had probably missed the last train by now. It was getting windy, and he wondered why he hadn't thought to bring a jacket, or a sweater. Come to think of it, it was getting to be fall, and all he had worn was a t-shirt. He pulled his arms in as he lay back, on the pavement, closing his eyes. Surprisingly, sleep came easily.

……………………………………………………..

It was morning, and Eiji could feel someone touching his shoulder, trying to shake him awake. His eyes were heavy, and it took him a long time to open them. At first he was confused, and then he saw the sunlight shining on the empty court and he remembered. His whole body was aching as he tried to sit up.

A woman was leaning over him, asking him his name, what school he went to. He answered the questions without thinking, and after a few minutes, a man approached, handing the woman a thick blanket. She wrapped it around Eiji's shoulders firmly.

"My husband is going to call someone to pick you up. I'm a teacher at the school across the street," she explained, her face etched with concern. "Are you feeling ok?"

He nodded, suddenly embarrassed, realizing how ridiculous and crazy he must look to this person. He started to move to get up, but his head felt strange. "I'm sorry for troubling you. I can…" He glanced in the direction of the subway, wondering why his legs didn't seem to be working properly. He was dizzy, he realized, as the woman's face blurred in front of him.

The woman was pushing him back into a sitting position, gently. She smiled warmly. "Just wait here. It's ok."

Eiji accepted this, his mind feeling slightly jumbled.

……………………………………………………….

His parents arrived a few minutes later. No one spoke on the way home. His father practically carried him up to his room, and his mother helped to undress him and get him into bed.

His mother was talking as she carefully set Eiji's racket underneath his desk, and moved his clothes to the basket at the bottom of his closet.

"I called Ryuzaki-sensei and explained to her that you weren't feeling well, so don't worry about practice. And you can re-take your English exam later this week. There's nothing to worry about, ok?" She pulled the covers up to her son's chin, pausing to feel his forehead again. Still warm, but a little better, she was thinking.

"Your father and I will be downstairs, so if you need anything, just call us, ok."

Eiji frowned, confused. "You're not going back to work?" Nothing was really making sense to him right now, but he knew that it was a weekday, and…

His mother looked at him, smoothing the hair back from his forehead. "Not today." She smiled. "Are you warm enough in there?"

He nodded, feeling slightly guilty. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to worry you guys."

"It's ok, Eiji. Just rest for now, ok? It's fine." She smiled again, a warm smile that Eiji suddenly realized he hadn't seen in a long time.

He closed his eyes tightly. His eyelids felt warm, and he wondered if he had a fever.

…………………………………………………….

It was evening when he woke up again. Aoi was standing next to his bed, peering at his face, which was half-covered with blankets.

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up, but I thought you might be hungry."

Eiji eyed his sister suspiciously. She was _sorry _for waking him up? He was distracted from this thought by a curious smell…

Aoi was holding out a bowl of soup on a tray.

He sat up, realizing that he felt a lot better now, and that he was really hungry. Eiji looked up at his sister eagerly. "Did you make this, it smells really good!"

She smiled. "Of course I made it, who else?"

"Come down when you're done, ok?" Aoi glanced at him for a second before she walked out, closing the door behind her.

…………………………………………………….

After he finished eating Eiji sat in bed for a long time.

_Why isn't anyone asking me where I was, or what happened? _It was strange.

There was definitely some kind of conspiracy going on in the Kikumaru household. As he pondered this, there was a soft knock on his door. Eiji was again, taken aback. Since when is everyone so polite, he was thinking.

"Eiji, can I come in?"

"Sure…" _Oh no. _He guessed that there was no way he could avoid a lecture from his father after being out all night with no explanation. He braced himself for the worst.

His father sat on the edge of Eiji's bed, smoothing the blankets around Eiji's feet.

"How do you feel", his father asked, a serious look on his face. "Should I call the school and tell them you'll be out tomorrow as well?"

Eiji blinked. He was hearing things now, for sure. "Uh…. Well, I think I'll be ok." He gave his father a slightly sheepish smile.

"You can give it another day, and rest if you need to. I have plenty of time to take off too, since we didn't go to the beach last summer, so it's no problem for me to stay home."

"Dad, I'm not in elementary school! Even if I'm sick…"

Eiji was slightly embarrassed, that even his father was obviously concerned. But, he had to admit that it felt kind of nice. He had always been the baby of his family, but since he'd become so busy with tennis, it had been awhile since he had really been around to experience this kind of attention from his parents.

"Eiji, that's enough. Your health is important, and someone has to be here to take care of you."

His father's tone was authoritative and affectionate, at the same time.

Eiji smiled slightly, "I feel a lot better, really."

"Well, just think about it and let me know before you go to sleep, ok?"

……………………………………………………………..

Alone in his room again, Eiji laid back, sinking into the pillows. _Everyone's worried. What are they thinking about me?_ He wondered what kind of explanation he could really give them, if they did ask.

After a few minutes, he forced himself to get up, and took a long shower. He felt a little weak, but other than that, he was ok. He put on a clean pair of pajamas, and went downstairs. His parents would usually be watching TV, or asleep, but tonight they were sitting at the kitchen table, drinking tea, and talking in low voices. Aoi was standing in the living room, obviously listening.

Suddenly Eiji noticed what was so strange. The house was quiet. In fact, he wondered if his house had ever been this quiet before. Actually, it was kind of creepy, he realized.

"Hey…" he whispered, motioning Aoi over. "What's going on?" He nodded toward the kitchen.

"I don't know…"

"Are they talking about me?"

"Who else?" she smiled, but Eiji could see that her face was tinged with worry.

Aoi shrugged dramatically, but her face quickly darkened. "Eiji, we were all really worried when you didn't come home last night. You're ok, right?" Her eyes were searching, as she waited for her brother's response.

"Of course I am." He really didn't know what else to say, and Eiji mentally thanked her for not asking any more questions. He realized that he was lucky to have a family that seemed to understand him so well.

Aoi studied her brother's face for another second, and then smiled, apparently convinced. "You're the best, Eiji!" She gave him a big hug.

Grabbing his arm, Aoi was suddenly dragging Eiji into the kitchen, where he had to squint from the bright light overhead. "Mom, Eiji says he's ok, ok?"

"Aoi!" but then his mother couldn't help but laugh at the funny expression on Eiji's face. "That better be true, Eiji!"

It was just like his family to turn everything into a joke, he thought to himself, laughing. Though he couldn't help but admit he was grateful for this tonight.

…………………………………………………….

Eiji lay in bed for a long time before he finally fell asleep. The wall was still there, in his mind, blocking everything out. The events on the court were there somewhere, but they remained hidden. He wondered vaguely if it had all been a dream. _There's no way that Oishi would really…_ He just couldn't bring himself to think about it. It had to be a mistake, a misunderstanding. Tomorrow, at practice, on the court, it would make sense. Definitely. It had to.

Because of all the things he had imagined that Oishi might say, or all the different ways he could have reacted, he had never imagined something quite as horrible as laughter. So, it had to be a mistake, it had to be something he could fix, because…it just didn't seem possible for him to exist in a place where Oishi would actually laugh at his feelings. It was just…impossible. He refused to allow his mind to go any further than that. He would fix it, he would talk to Oishi…he would do whatever he had to do.

………………………………………………………….

_**A/N:** Well, initially I hadn't meant to drag this out quite so much but…it just sort of happened that way. I will resolve it though, I promise. Thanks for reading! _


	4. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

The next day, Eiji arrived at practice early. The matches this weekend were important, and he wanted to make sure he got all the practice in that he needed.

He knew Oishi would probably be running the morning practice, as had been the routine for a while now. Eiji felt a shiver of anxiety run through his body, but he pushed his thoughts away. _It'll be ok, once we're on the court. I'll figure out what happened, and I'll fix it…_

Eiji was full of nervous energy today, but he was sure that once he started bouncing around on the court, he'd be fine. Gradually people began to arrive, and before he knew it, the practice was starting. Oishi was the last to arrive. He was holding Ryuzaki-sensei's notebook, where she kept the player lists and assignments.

"Since we're all here today…" Oishi shot an obvious look in Eiji's direction. "I have an announcement I'd like to make."

Everyone gathered around Oishi, attentive, and eager to start the practice.

"I've been discussing the line-up for this weekend's matches with Tezuka and Ryuzaki-sensei, and we've agreed upon a few changes. Most notably, for the doubles pairings."

Eiji felt his heart skip a beat.

"Until further notice, Doubles Two will be Inui and Kaidoh." He paused. "Singles will be Echizen, Kawamura and Fuji, respectively."

Oishi cleared his throat. "Doubles One will be myself and Momo." There was a collective gasp of surprise.

"I know it seems sudden, but Kikumaru, since you have missed several practices recently, it only makes sense that you'll be on reserve for this match. Since you haven't been feeling well, please don't push yourself. That's all."

There was murmuring throughout the team. Momo was the first to speak. "Oishi, is this really going to work? I've never played doubles with you before! Besides, I'm sure Kiku…"

"I've gone over this with Ryuzaki-sensei and Tezuka and they've both agreed that this is the best option for right now. I'm counting on you." Oishi said this without pausing at all, as if he'd been expecting an argument.

The murmurs hadn't stopped, and more than a few looks were being cast in Eiji's direction, though he barely noticed, uncharacteristically lost in his thoughts.

A thousand words and images were swimming around in Eiji's mind at once. Of the night on the court, how excited he had been, how proud of himself he had been when he said everything to Oishi, not leaving anything out, believing in him and how Oishi had laughed, and how even when he laughed Eiji couldn't be angry, but now… Now it was too real, too immediate and he realized that he wasvery close to being really and truly angry. But he didn't want to be angry, he wanted to fix this, but how could he fix this if… And then he was panicking, then denying it, then panicking again.

_There's no way he would try to take this away from me, even if he's angry, even if_… The realization of that thought was too painful, so he pushed it away. _This is wrong. _

He must not have heard Oishi properly. Oishi must be insane. Doubles with Momo? No, he refused to believe that any of this was happening. Oishi was his friend, no matter what, right??

_Kikumaru…_ Eiji wasn't sure if he'd heard Oishi say that word since the day they met. Everything seemed distorted, and as he took a step forward, he swore he could feel the ground shift under his feet.

"_Eiji_…" It was Fuji. "Are you ok with this?"

Fuji had said his name with perfectly measured amounts of sympathy and kindness, but Eiji could barely hear him.

"OISHI!" Eiji had raised his voice, in a tone that he knew usually would cause Oishi to bend over backwards to appease him. But Oishi didn't move, or even look in his direction.

There was something like rage now welling up inside of Eiji, an anger so intense he thought he would explode. He closed his eyes, trying to calm down. He wanted to attack Oishi, to rip him apart, and at the same time he was shocked that he was reacting this way. _It's just one match…_But something was telling him that this meant much, much more than the match.

Eiji watched as Oishi turned away from the group, and began to walk away in the opposite direction.

"OISHI!" In three of his large bounding steps he had reached Oishi, and without thinking, Eiji grabbed the back of his jacket, pulling hard. Oishi stopped for a second, his breath catching in surprise, but he didn't turn around.

Eiji stood there for a second, unable to grasp what was really happening. He knew he must look childish, to everyone, standing there, fingers clasped around the back of his friend's jacket. Wasn't Oishi going to turn around? Was he really just not going to say anything at all? Eiji felt his vision blur with tears, as Oishi shook off his grip easily, moving forward again, this time quickly, and with more purpose.

Eiji stood there for a second, and then… Something came over him and Eiji lunged, full force at Oishi. Everything inside of him had seemed to turn white in that instant, and he honestly had no idea what he was doing, or what the outcome would be of his actions and he didn't care.

Suddenly, someone was holding Eiji's arms, pulling him away. Fuji was yelling at him, telling him to calm down, struggling against Eiji's jerking. Fuji never yelled, and Eiji was immediately embarrassed, but still found himself incapable of restraining himself. Oishi was facing them now, with a look that was a mixture of true surprise, fear and guilt, though only Fuji could read this last emotion, as Oishi was masking himself rather well.

Ryuzaki-sensei had arrived and was staring at the scene that was unfolding, in complete disbelief.

"KIKUMARU, OISHI!" she was yelling, her face turning red with anger. "20 LAPS! NOW!"

"No! I won't run laps with him!!" Eiji was still trying to push Fuji away, but Fuji was strong when he wanted to be, and restrained his friend easily. Fuji studied Oishi, as he noticed Eiji's body begin to tremble, trying to put the pieces together.

Everyone was staring at Eiji, and glancing occasionally back at Oishi, trying to figure out what was going on.

"30 LAPS, and both of you better start running, RIGHT NOW!" Ryuzaki-sensei's face had turned another shade of red.

"NO, I…I…QUIT – I WON'T PLAY ON THIS TEAM ANYMORE!!" The tears were gone now from Eiji's eyes, and he fixed his gaze on Oishi, who took an involuntary step backwards.

Oishi stared back at Eiji, his eyes wide, but it was impossible even for Fuji to read his expression.

Eiji was struggling awkwardly with Fuji's grip. "LET ME GO!" Finally Fuji released his arms, and Eiji took off, in the direction of the locker room. Oishi stared after him for a moment, and then quietly began his laps around the court.

The rest of the team was left standing in a circle, staring at each other in disbelief. No one said anything. Finally Fuji, with a serious expression, said to Ryuzaki-sensei. "I will go talk to Kikumaru." He turned and began to walk to the locker room.

……………………………………………………

"I hate him! I hate Oishi! He's doing this on purpose!" Eiji was doing everything he could to maintain his composure with Fuji, but it wasn't working very well. He kicked the locker in front of him again, enjoying the clang of the metal as it echoed through the room.

"Oishi may have his reasons, but, if Tezuka and Ryuzaki-sensei approved it…"

Fuji said the words calmly, though he had to admit, had been surprised. It wasn't like Oishi to act rashly, even if he was angry. And it wasn't like Tezuka or Ryuzaki-sensei to change the line-up so close to a match because of an argument between players. It was just strange. Fuji made a mental note to discuss this with Tezuka in detail later, before turning his attention back to his friend, reminding himself what he was doing here.

Eiji seemed to be almost bubbling over with anger, and…something else, something that was harder for Fuji to put his finger on. It was close to a kind of desperation, though not exactly. It was very unusual for Fuji to be unable to read Eiji, who was usually the most transparent of all of his friends. Something strange was going on, and Fuji guessed that it had something to do with Eiji's absence from school yesterday, and Oishi's extremely distracted performance during practice.

"I'll quit!" Eiji had blurted out, finishing a long tirade that Fuji had only been half listening to. But his ears perked up at this.

"You don't mean that." It was more of a statement, than a question, but then Fuji challenged, "Do you?"

Eiji had been ready to continue, but Fuji's serious look had rendered him suddenly speechless.

When it was obvious Eiji had calmed down to the point where he would listen, Fuji decided it was about time he got to the point. "What happened between you and Oishi? You're arguing about something?"

Eiji looked slightly startled for a second, but recovered quickly. "That's not it."

"Then what?"

"It's nothing."

'Look, I won't force you.'

_Though you know I could. _

"If you want to talk about it, though, I'll listen." Fuji paused, thoughtful. "Though the one who you really should be having this conversation with is Oishi." He watched as Eiji's face darkened.

"I…I can't talk to him. Oishi never listens to me."

"Doesn't he?" Fuji could tell he was getting somewhere now.

"I tried to tell him something really important, and do you know what he did? He laughed at me. Oishi laughed…"

Eiji was hiding something and suddenly there was no doubt in Fuji mind what that something was. He had known that it wouldn't take long for Eiji to reveal himself.

"What was it that you tried to tell him?" Fuji said the words with care, knowing that Eiji probably would not want to share this with him, at least not in so many words, anyway. Which was fine, as long as Fuji could make Eiji realize the root of this problem.

"It doesn't matter now. It's not important anymore."

"Isn't it?" Fuji could measure the layers of pain in his friend's eyes expertly. "Isn't that why you stayed home yesterday?"

"Fuji…I…"

Several turns of phrases passed through Fuji's mind, but… He could tell Eiji was close to tears. Fuji just couldn't bring himself to force his friend to say something he didn't want to right now.

"Never mind, I think I understand. Oishi hurt your feelings, and now, with the new assignments, you don't think you'll be able to resolve it. "

Eiji was quiet. "Yes…"

Fuji was standing now. "Let me talk to Oishi."

"NO!" Eiji jumped up, hitting his head on an open locker. Eiji rubbed his head, frowning. "Fuji, I can handle it on my own, ok?"

Fuji's voice was firm, and left no room for argument. "I also think that you should talk to Oishi. However…" He fixed his most serious look on his friend, "I won't watch you self-destruct like this anymore."

Eiji was shocked. This was blunt, even for Fuji.

Eiji watched as his friend fixed another serious look on him, this time with a level of understanding that made Eiji wonder, and not for the first time, how his friend could possibly be so perceptive without reading his mind.

"And Eiji, I'm not saying I blame you."

With that, Fuji turned quickly, and exited the locker room, leaving Eiji rather stunned.

…………………………………………………….

Fuji was determined to fix this situation between his friends. He could have seen this coming, and he was actually rather surprised at the level of shock he had felt today at the scene between his teammates. _I guess people aren't always as predictable as one may think…_

Still, both of them had been behaving out of character for a while now, and this bothered Fuji. Eiji had acted so strange after Oishi collapsed, and then never went to the hospital to visit him. Fuji knew this, because Oishi had pulled him aside several times during that week, asking where Eiji was, if he was ok. Fuji hadn't asked, but he could tell that Oishi had been hurt then, and now, after what Eiji had just told him, well, he had to see what he could find out from Oishi.

Besides that, there were matches coming up, and it really would be in everyone's best interests to resolve all of this before then. Also, he admitted, he hated to see Eiji hurt, especially when he was beginning to see how this had evolved. Though he wasn't sure exactly what, or how much Eiji had tried to tell Oishi, he had a pretty good guess. Eiji's feelings toward Oishi, and vice versa, had been all but obvious to him for a long time now.

…………………………………………………….

The matches would be starting just a few days. Eiji hadn't been showing up at practice, and things were awkward between Oishi and Momo in their practice matches. There was an overall sense of unease spreading throughout the team.

Fuji approached Oishi after their afternoon practice, cornering him after Tezuka had finished his lecture, going over Oishi's weaknesses in the last match with him. Oishi looked distracted talking to their captain, and Fuji was sure that Tezuka realized as well as Oishi did that his problems on the court with Momo were not going to be fixed in time for the matches, no matter how many new formations they went through.

Fuji followed Oishi into the locker room, waiting several minutes before speaking, to make sure there was no one else in earshot. Fuji knew how easily embarrassed Oishi was, and that if anyone else were even remotely in the vicinity, that he wouldn't get anything out of his teammate.

"So, how's your new partner?" The question was innocent enough, but Oishi bristled visibly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Oishi shot the words back without thinking, and then was immediately embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, Fuji, I didn't mean that." He presented Fuji with a deep bow of apology. "I guess I've been tense today."

Fuji smiled. "Indeed. But it's fine, don't worry. I might have deserved that, after all." And he smiled again, and this time Oishi couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable.

After a moment of awkward silence, Fuji began again, calmly. "Oishi, are you worried about Eiji? Do you think he's serious about quitting the team?"

Oishi tried to cover his surprise, which he knew was impossible, before steadying his voice. "I don't know, honestly. He's been really strange lately. I don't know what to think."

"Mmm…" Fuji murmured to himself. "I'm not sure what to think either."

Fuji paused, waiting for Oishi to say something else. When Oishi was silent, he continued. "Maybe it would help if you talked to him. I mean, you're his closest friend, right? Well, after me, that is." He chuckled to himself, watching Oishi clear his throat nervously.

"Yeah…I mean, you're right. I probably should…" Oishi could feel his face getting hot. Why did Fuji always seem to know everything about everything? Suddenly he felt his stomach sink. _What if…_

"Fuji, what did Eiji tell you…about me?" he asked quickly.

"Nothing, really." Fuji offered no further explanation, watching Oishi shift his weight from one foot to the other.

"Well, he did say something about wanting to tell you something. That you had hurt his feelings, that's all."

Oishi let out a strangled breath, and then, trying to recover, "He…he told you that?" Oishi felt like his face was on fire, he turned away, hoping Fuji hadn't noticed. _No chance. _

"Sure, in the locker room the other day. I thought I'd try and hear your side of the story though…"

Oishi seemed lost in thought for a second, before he spoke again. "Sometimes…" Oishi began quietly. "Sometimes I just don't know what to make of him. I know how it must have seemed to him, but…I really didn't know what else to do…at the time."

Fuji studied Oishi, noticing how his voice had trailed off in all the right places, and that he was obviously still thinking a lot about whatever it was that Eiji had tried to tell him.

"Maybe you should give him a chance to say what he wanted to say…again." Fuji was trying to choose his words carefully, something he knew was absolutely necessary with Oishi.

"Otherwise," he went on, "I wonder what will happen. For the team, and for Eiji. He told me not to talk to you, by the way, that he would handle everything himself, but, well…" Fuji leveled his eyes at Oishi, casually, but with the slightest hint of a veiled threat. "It seemed like he might not really be up to it."

"Fuji…" Oishi felt like he had been squashed into the floor with Fuji's sideways glance at him. He had no idea how to respond to that.

"Oishi, I really think you owe it to Eiji to hear him out." Fuji smiled amiably, leaving no trace of the look from a second ago. "That's all I really wanted to say, I guess."

……………………………………………………….

Oishi walked home that evening in a state of confusion. He knew that Fuji was right. He owed Eiji an explanation. No, he owed him much more than that. He owed him the truth. The only problem was that Oishi was having trouble articulating what exactly the truth was anymore, even to himself.

He liked Eiji, that much had always been obvious. And playing doubles with Eiji meant everything to Oishi. Eiji was the most important thing, after all, and still… Oishi had ruined everything. _On purpose,_ Oishi told himself, his chest tightening.

He was so confused, and though he was having a hard time admitting it to himself, he was scared. Oishi had never opened up to anyone before, about anything, really. Much less his feelings. And this was Eiji. And he had already done something horrible. Something that was maybe even unforgivable. He knew that it might not be too late, that if he told Eiji the truth, then maybe…but he just didn't know how to do that.

When he had heard Eiji say those words on the court that night, a million thoughts had run through his head at once. He was shocked, though he knew he shouldn't have been, and he was happy, though that didn't seem right either. How could he be happy about the most important relationship in his life changing, being turned upside down? And this was not the way it was supposed to be, this isn't how their friendship was supposed to end up…or was it?

And then he looked at Eiji, really looked at him. He had heard the way Eiji had said his name, with so much intensity, like he had said it on the playground. Still, his mind was screaming a million warnings. There was no way that someone so perfect could possibly be in love with him. And Eiji was impulsive; he changed his mind all the time, about everything. And it was ok, he told himself, when they were friends, but…love…love was unstable, and unpredictable on it's own… And there was no way that everything he had shared with Eiji could be reduced to something so juvenile and clichéd and… And he was thinking these things, but deep down he knew. He was just scared. Completely terrified.

Because he could tell that Eiji was serious, because he could see how earnestly his friend was looking at him, because he knew that it was real. But…it couldn't be…because love is something different, love is…he realized he had no idea, really, but…

But Eiji was looking at him like that… What was he supposed to do? How could he go on being himself when Eiji looked at him like that? With that look, with that one look, Oishi felt like every cell in his body could be manipulated to do anything that Eiji wanted. It could destroy him. He was losing control… It was as if the entire world had deconstructed before his very eyes, and…it just didn't make any sense. It couldn't make any sense. It couldn't be real; it had to be a joke. And that's when he started laughing.

After that he had felt almost like he was acting, a role from a scene from a play he had seen once, or a book, or a movie, where someone had lashed out and hurt the one they loved the most. He knew that he was ruining something that, just a second before, had been perfect, beautiful. But he did it anyway. He knew that he should have had a better explanation for is actions, but he didn't. And that scared him too.

To Eiji, after laughing, he had said the absolute most hurtful things he could think of. As Oishi heard his own voice, he knew he was really saying those things, and that Eiji was hearing them too, but part of Oishi really thought that maybe Eiji would know that it wasn't true. Maybe Eiji would figure out what he himself couldn't. Eiji would know that these words were the exact opposite of what he was feeling, and that that was almost the point of saying them. Of course when he saw the look on Eiji's face, he knew that this was completely ridiculous. That he was completely ridiculous.

There was something else too, that Oishi was able to think later, and only later, only when he had gotten off the subway and arrived at his house, and closed the door to his room. It was only then that he could think of what it might actually be like, to be with Eiji. To be close to him. To touch him. To take care of him, to be there for him. To always have Eiji at his side, smiling. To accept Eiji's love. And to give himself up completely to Eiji. That was what it meant, right? Love? He knew that he could do all of that. Without question, that he _wanted_ to. But…why was it so hard to admit that to himself, outside of this room?

When Eiji didn't show up for practice the next morning, at first Oishi had been worried, and then he had been almost relieved. He realized that he had no idea how to act around Eiji, and that what he wanted more than anything right now, was to avoid having to deal with the situation. He knew this was childish, and inexcusable and that it was the worst thing he had done to anyone, ever. He doubted that he would ever be able to forgive himself, and he was even more sure that Eiji would never, ever forgive him. For any of this. Still…there was no way he could stand on the court with Eiji right now. There was just no way. It was impossible.

Oishi told himself that it would only be for one match, until he figured out how to tell Eiji, how to apologize, but…it hadn't really worked out how he'd planned. And now…well, now he figured that Eiji must really, really hate him, and he didn't know what else to do so… he waited.

……………………………………………………….

_**A/N: **I tried to put a bit more of Oishi's POV here, but it's hard! (Harder than Eiji at least, for me.) Anyway, let me know how it was, and thank you, thank you to everyone for reading and reviewing. I've been trying to incorporate suggestions and correct problems that have been pointed out, so thanks! _


	5. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

Over the past week, things had fallen into a strange pattern. Eiji hadn't shown up to practice since Oishi's announcement, and had skipped the weekend's matches. No one had any idea what was going on, because Eiji was effectively avoiding everyone on the team, even Fuji.

Oishi was still waiting, but he knew that his time was running out. Eiji was avoiding him, and this made talking to him more difficult, but still, Oishi knew it was no excuse. Every day the distance between them seemed to grow, and every day it seemed to become harder to connect that distance.

At the same time that the distance grew, the urgency Oishi felt was growing too. Oishi realized that he had been waiting for something to solidify, for the truth to finally take root inside of him, and Oishi was sure now, that it had. He knew now, how important this was, and how much he didn't want to lose Eiji. Oishi knew how much he missed him, and how much he needed him. He knew that what he felt was real.

Oishi also knew that in the past, he usually waited too long for things, because he had a hard time opening up to people. This time, more than anything, he wanted things to be different. Because Eiji was different.

He didn't _want _Eiji to go away. If Eiji loved him, if Eiji still loved him, then Oishi didn't want him to go away, to disappear. The thought, of things continuing as they were now, until everything between them was just gone, was driving Oishi crazy. He knew that he had to do something, that he had to talk to Eiji, but somehow it had ended up being harder than he thought it would be.

…………………………………………….

As time passed, it became clear to Oishi that Eiji wasn't going to come to him, or make this any easier. Eiji had altered his schedule, and his routes to class during school so that Oishi rarely saw him anymore. It had taken Oishi days to figure out how Eiji managed to sneak in and out of school each day without anyone seeing him. It surprised Oishi, because he had never known Eiji to be so precise about anything before.

But now Eiji was perfectly, precisely avoiding him.

As for tennis, Oishi was shocked that Eiji had skipped practices for so long. He knew that nothing official had been said to Tezuka or Ryuzaki-sensei, and so he half-expected Eiji to just show up one day to practice, like nothing had happened. But the days continued to pass, and Eiji never came.

Oishi couldn't help but wonder Eiji was doing with all his energy, if he wasn't playing tennis. Even with just one day off after a match, Eiji would show up at the next practice practically jumping out of his skin, begging for someone to warm up with him. The energy radiating from Eiji all the time was visible, but when he _really _wanted to play, when he was really into it, it was electric, and it affected everyone around him.

Eiji's energy had been electric that night on the court too, Oishi remembered. He thought of Eiji flipping the racket around over his wrists, something he only did when he was absolutely serious. Oishi wondered, a dull ache spreading inside of him, and settling into his forehead, if he would ever experience the exhilaration he felt being on the court with Eiji again.

Playing without Eiji this past week had been, well it should have been impossible, it _was_ impossible, but… Oishi had long since learned how to fulfill his duties, regardless of how he was feeling. It really shouldn't have surprised him so much that he had managed to play all this time without Eiji, even when he was completely distracted and preoccupied.

Oishi barely remembered the match last weekend, which they had somehow managed to win. It had taken much, much longer than it would have if Eiji had been there, but Momo had done well, covering for Oishi's poor playing. Oishi was sure everyone on the team had noticed how badly he had played, how he had almost thrown the match, but he found that he really didn't care.

…………………………………………………...

It wasn't long before Oishi knew that he couldn't wait any longer. He would find Eiji, and he would force Eiji to listen to him, if he had to. The truth that had become a part of Oishi was so unbearable, so obvious and so completely consuming that it didn't matter anymore if Eiji hated him. It didn't matter if it was too late or if Oishi had already ruined everything. It didn't matter how much he hated himself for hurting Eiji and for being confused, when, he realized now, there was nothing confusing at all about what was happening to him. Oishi waited until he couldn't wait anymore, until he realized that there was no way he would let Eiji disappear, no matter how many matches he played with Momo, or how many practices Eiji skipped, or how much Eiji tried to avoid him.

Oishi knew he had to _do _something, and that he had to do it now.

For the first time, Oishi realized, he was tired of waiting.

…………………………………………………….

The courts were deserted; afternoon practice had been cancelled because of the storm. The rain came down in sheets, distorting the lights outside that lined the nearest court. Eiji was staring out the window stubbornly, refusing to look at Oishi, who he knew was standing rigidly behind him.

Eiji hadn't been in this locker room for what felt like a long time. It felt like forever, actually, though Eiji had sort of stopped keeping track of time. Had it been a week, or two? It easily could have been a year, a lifetime, he realized.

For a second Eiji felt like everything was fine, and that nothing had changed. It was the locker room, and outside were the tennis courts, like always. Inside though…inside was Oishi and…

Eiji had promised himself that he would not let this happen. He had told himself that when Oishi decided he needed to apologize, Eiji would not be around to listen. It was partly out of stubbornness, but mostly because was afraid that he _couldn't_ listen. That instead of behaving like a normal person, he would scream, or cry, or run away. He knew that if he did any of these things, Oishi would try and comfort him, would try to stop him from leaving. Oishi would grab his arm, would touch him, and ask him to wait, and if that happened…

Eiji was scared. The thought of Oishi touching him, even just his arm, was making him panic, because he wasn't sure how he would react, and he didn't want to make a fool out of himself in front of Oishi again. Eiji tried to calm down, telling himself that he was here, now, and that he had to pull himself together.

Oishi was standing there, right behind him, he told himself. Eiji wondered what he was doing and why he hadn't said anything yet. Maybe Oishi was trying to give him time to relax; maybe he could tell that Eiji was practically shaking with anxiety. But Eiji knew he couldn't relax.

Eiji's thoughts were jumping around, erratically, as often happened when he was angry, or upset. He wouldn't be able to focus at this rate, and he knew he had to. Or he would do something stupid, and ruin everything again. And this was so important.

After all, Eiji had quit tennis over this, right? Quit the thing that made him happiest, the only thing he was really good at. Over this, over Oishi. But he had _sworn_ he wouldn't listen to an apology. Not after this long. Not after Oishi had laughed, and then told him in front of the entire team that he wanted nothing to do with him. No, he didn't want to listen to Oishi apologize to him now, so that Oishi would feel better.

Eiji was starting to feel sick. In fact, he had felt sick for a while. Not sick enough to stay home from school, though that thought had been tempting, especially when his parents had almost insisted on several occasions, but all the same, he just felt _sick, _and he had for days. It was as if his body was completely out of balance. He was tired, exhausted even, all the time. And he wasn't even playing tennis, which was the only thing, usually, that made Eiji physically tired.

Even now, Eiji realized, he was tired. Of standing here. He had a strange urge to just lie down on the floor, but knew that if he did, Oishi would probably get worried and… Eiji shivered a little, though he could feel that his eyelids were warm, and he wondered if he had a fever. Like he had when he woken up that morning on the court. But that was silly. Eiji wasn't sick. Not really. He was just tired. Of feeling like this, of thinking about Oishi.

Just then, he heard Oishi take a deep breath.

"There are so many things I want to say to you", Oishi began, his words shaking Eiji out of his thoughts, and causing Eiji to stand a little straighter, a little more defensively, as he braced himself.

"So say what you want to say," Eiji said, pointedly. He didn't turn around. He was sure that his words had come out came out sounding bitter and antagonistic, despite his efforts to collect his thoughts before speaking, but he didn't care. "Go ahead, I'm listening. I'm _waiting_."

…………………………………………………………

Eiji's hostility had unnerved Oishi. All the sudden, he realized he didn't know how to start. "Ok, well…" Oishi managed.

"Ok, well WHAT, Oishi?" Eiji was clipping the words off quickly. "I thought you had something IMPORTANT to say. Or maybe it's not even important. Well, if it is, let me know so that I can laugh, ok!"

Oishi didn't really know how to react. Eiji's mean side was a little scary. He had never seen it before. At least not directed at him. Even when they fought, Eiji rarely lost the playful look in his eyes. Now he wouldn't even look at Oishi at all. _I want to see that look again…_ Oishi thought this, but realized that it probably wasn't that easy. This wasn't a simple fight between friends, or a misunderstanding on the court, or a petty disagreement, or a few hurt feelings. In fact, he was sure Eiji would never forgive him for what he had done. Oishi was sure he would never see that look in Eiji's eyes again.

Still, instinctively, he reached out his hand to touch Eiji's shoulder, realizing how more than anything he wanted to feel that warmth. Oishi wondered for a second if that warmth was still there, if it still existed, or if it had disappeared too.

Eiji moved lightning fast, grabbing Oishi's arm before he was halfway there, and twisted around to face him.

"Don't touch me!" Eiji let go of Oishi's arm with a push and Oishi stumbled back a step.

Oishi blinked, rubbing his arm, staring at Eiji. He was startled and confused. "What's wrong with you?"

Eiji had a horrible half smile on his face. His voice was a little louder than it had been a second ago, and was gradually becoming more strained. "What's WRONG with me?? That's a good question, why don't you tell me, because last I heard you-"

"Eiji!" Oishi really couldn't believe the way this conversation was going. It was so unlike Eiji not to listen, to raise his voice, even in an argument. "Stop it, ok?"

"WHY? Why should I stop? Because you want me to? Well, maybe I don't want to listen to you!"

Oishi was approaching him, and Eiji started to move away, stepping backwards carelessly, not looking at the ground. Oishi watched as Eiji took another step back, and slipped on a discarded racket, stumbling slightly. Oishi was shocked, at how Eiji was acting, at how distracted and different he seemed, and now he was worried that there was something seriously wrong. Eiji was never clumsy, never.

"I said don't!!" Eiji's eyes flashed dangerously, and his voice was spiraling upwards. Oishi was close to him now, offering his hand to help him steady himself. Eiji took another step backwards, and realized there was nowhere else to go; his back was against the lockers. He shook his head, and his voice was shrill. "Don't come any closer!"

The more he watched Eiji, the more Oishi felt like he was in the middle of some strange nightmare. This couldn't be Eiji, his friend. This person who was practically stumbling over his feet, in order to get away from him. This person who wouldn't even touch his hand when he was trying to help him up, who wouldn't let him speak two words at the same time.

"Eiji, I'm trying to apologize! Will you please let me talk?" Oishi was so frustrated he wanted to scream. But more than that, he was worried.

"No, No, NO! I don't want to hear an apology!" Oishi watched as something between a sob and a scream escaped from Eiji's throat. Eiji's eyes were closed, and his hands moved quickly over his ears, as if he was trying to physically block Oishi out.

………………………………………………………….

Eiji knew he was shaking, and that in a second he would be crying, but it just didn't matter anymore. He wanted to run away. He had known this would happen, that he wouldn't be able to listen to Oishi at all. Eiji knew he was acting like an idiot, like a child. Oishi probably thought he was crazy. He would probably start laughing again. When Eiji thought this he closed his hands tighter around his ears and prayed that he could stay standing there for another minute, until Oishi left. Then he could collapse, or curl into a ball and go to sleep or…

Suddenly Eiji felt warm hands covering his own, brushing against the side of his face. Oishi's hands were bigger than his, and as they grazed his ears Eiji shivered. Oishi slowly, silently, moved Eiji's hands away from his face. Eiji's eyes were still closed, but he could feel that Oishi was close to him. His sensitive ears could hear Oishi's quick intake of breath. Eiji made a spiritless attempt to move away, but Oishi's arms were already around him.

Oishi was taller than Eiji, by an inch or two, and when he pulled him close, Eiji could feel his heart pounding. It reminded him of the day on the court, when Oishi had collapsed. All of Eiji's senses went into overdrive at once. Oishi was holding him so close and every breath they took seemed to press them closer. Eiji's heart was racing. It was overpowering, and he wondered if he would be able to stay on his feet.

"Eiji, I'm so sorry. For everything. Please listen to me."

Oishi's words broke through the silence and through Eiji's thoughts, and he felt his last remaining energy drain immediately. Eiji felt completely vulnerable in that moment, and he wondered if he had physically slumped in Oishi's arms. If Oishi had noticed though, he did nothing, except maybe hold Eiji a little tighter. Eiji could feel that Oishi was holding him by the waist now, supporting him.

"No…I don't want to hear this." Eiji's voice was quiet, fragile.

"Eiji, I care about you so much. More than anyone. I miss you."

Eiji could feel himself pulling Oishi a little tighter, though he hadn't meant to. Eiji was so overwhelmed he felt a little dizzy, which made him hold Oishi closer still. Oishi's neck was soft, and the heat that radiated from it made Eiji forget to breathe for a few seconds.

……………………………………………………..

Oishi hadn't planned this at all. He hadn't planned on being this close to Eiji. Every time Eiji moved, or breathed, a chill ran through Oishi's body. It was distracting him, and he was supposed to be apologizing, he told himself.

Oishi had no idea what to say now, but the words started quietly. "I…I lied that night on the court. I don't even know why. I think I was scared, and you surprised me. I know I shouldn't have been surprised, but…I didn't tell you the truth then. Eiji, I want you to be serious, ok. I need you to be serious… So will you please, please forgive me?"

At first Eiji's arms had hung limply at his sides, but one arm was now wrapped around Oishi's back, and he could feel Eiji's cheek pressing against his neck tightly. Oishi wondered what he should say next, since Eiji wasn't answering.

After a few seconds of listening to Eiji's breath, Oishi could feel that Eiji's hands had moved between them, and that he was pressing them against Oishi's chest, not very hard, but insistently. And then Oishi realized. Eiji was pushing him away. Oishi released his grip slowly.

"No. I…I can't. I'm sorry. I can't forgive you." Eiji sounded both surprised and sad at the same time.

Oishi had known this might be true, had expected it even, but it still hurt, more than he had imagined, to hear Eiji say it. Oishi watched him, waiting, hoping he would continue.

Eiji's head was down, not looking at Oishi, though he could feel Oishi watching him. He tried to steady his voice.

"When I imagined what you would say when I told you, how you would react, I never imagined that it could turn out so badly. I never imagined that you would actually laugh at me and then act like I should pretend it never happened. You asked me what was wrong with me… Everyone has been asking me that same question lately, and the answer is…'

Eiji paused, and gave Oishi a long look, that he had meant to be cold, a feeble attempt to hurt Oishi, but probably ended up seeming desperate, since that was how Eiji felt. Eiji had never been very good at masking his feelings, though he wondered if he had been improving lately.

"What's wrong with me is that that I picked the absolute worst person in the world to care about," Eiji finished, his voice shaking.

"Eiji-"

"Don't talk to me! Don't apologize! Just do what you've been doing, because I've gotten used to it!" And then Eiji said something that surprised himself, something that had been eating away at him for a while. "There's no way you could treat me like this and care about me, there's just no way. And if there is a way, then I don't want any part of it, ok?"

Eiji's mind was jumbled and he was feeling a bit unsteady. He was scared for a second, that he was going to faint, or worse, as the room swam in front of his eyes. He sat down quickly, glad that the bench was where he thought it would be, his hands gripping the sides of the wood tightly, reminding himself to breathe, and concentrating on the intake of air.

"Eiji, please…can you at least listen to me?"

Eiji leaned forward, toward Oishi, who was standing in front of him now, and wondered what this strange, light feeling was. _Am I going crazy? I can't feel my body anymore. _

"Oishi?" Eiji looked up suddenly and Oishi felt his stomach flutter and dance when Eiji's eyes met his. He seemed to be begging Oishi for something, for the answer to some question he hadn't asked.

"Oishi, I feel like I'm _dead. _Like my body is somewhere else. Is that weird? What's wrong with me?"

"There's nothing wrong with you. Nothing, ok?" Oishi said quietly.

Eiji was still looking up at Oishi with huge questioning eyes. Oishi thought his heart might break, if it hadn't already. He _had _to tell Eiji everything, right now.

"Eiji, can I please tell you how I feel? I want to tell you…"

Eiji leaned backwards on the bench, and closed his eyes.

Oishi felt like he had no choice but to continue. He took a deep breath. "I don't know when it started… But at some point, you became really important to me."

"You became more important than anything. And if you weren't around, at practice, or in school, I was anxious. I was looking for you. I started to notice how friendly you were with everyone at practice. I even resented people that you talked to a lot. I guess I was jealous…and I felt kind of left out, even though I shouldn't have."

"I started to look forward to practice so much, because you would be there…because no matter how early it was, or how tired I was, you always made everything ok, and fun. When you would smile at me, I felt like there was nowhere else I would rather be. When I played next to you, on the court, it suddenly seemed like magic. You seemed like magic, and all I wanted was to spend every second next to you. I didn't want to think about what it meant, because I didn't want anything to change."

Oishi glanced at Eiji, but his head was lowered, and Oishi couldn't see his expression.

"When I got sick, and you didn't come to see me at all, it really hurt my feelings. I couldn't figure it out. I imagined a lot of things, reasons why you wouldn't or couldn't come. And I missed you so much, it made me crazy. When I saw you again, I was just angry, and I told myself that I couldn't count on you, even though I know that if I would have just called you, and asked you to come visit me, that you would have. You would have, right?"

Eiji nodded slowly, his eyes meeting Oishi's for a second, before he lowered his head again, concentrating on Oishi's voice.

"And then, you started acting really strange, and almost avoiding me, and then-"

"I tried to apologize to you! I wanted to tell you why-" Eiji interjected the words without thinking, but quickly cut himself off. He realized that he really just wanted Oishi to keep talking.

"I know, and I didn't want to listen, because I was angry…and then I started to get really scared, because of how you were acting. I followed you that day…to the playground. I had never seen you so upset, and I realized, suddenly, that this was something real. Eiji, I _knew. _Even before you told me, I just knew. I realized that there was no way that things could stay the same, and instead of talking to you, I ran away. I guess I just…I'm not good at talking about how I feel, and…I didn't know what to do. I was scared. I'm still scared."

Eiji was shocked and a little embarrassed that Oishi had seen him like that. There was a familiar tightening in his chest, as he remembered how he had felt.

Oishi continued, realizing that the longer he looked at Eiji, the easier it was to talk. "For a while after that, I decided I would forget about everything that had happened, and everything I had been thinking and how I felt. When you asked me to come to the court that night, I had really convinced myself that it was just an extra practice session, and when you starting talking, I really convinced myself that you were playing a joke on me. I just…I couldn't figure out how to take you seriously, I couldn't reconcile anything in my mind. I know it doesn't make any sense, but-"

"Oishi." Eiji said the word suddenly, urgently and Oishi looked at him, surprised.

Eiji had promised himself that he wouldn't get upset, that he would never tell Oishi what he had been thinking that night. But the words had been collecting inside of him, filling him up, and he couldn't hold them back anymore. He couldn't listen to Oishi talk about that night without everything flooding his mind again. He knew Oishi wasn't done talking, had maybe not even gotten to the point yet, but…Eiji couldn't hold it in any longer, not even for a second.

"Oishi…" and as Eiji said his name again he felt something, a small release inside of him.

"I thought you would come back. You promised to finish the match, and… I really thought you would…and…and you didn't come back, and…it hurt so much I thought I would die. I wanted to die. But I didn't…I woke up and my head hurt, and everything was all mixed up and dad carried me up the stairs and my mom put me to bed and…and I don't know. I just…Why didn't you come back? You…you were supposed to…" Eiji's voice trailed off, as if he had become lost for a second, in either his thoughts or the memory.

"Did you hate me that much?" Eiji asked suddenly, his eyes filling with tears.

"No! Of course not." It hurt Oishi to listen, and immediately Oishi felt a horrible sense of guilt wash over him. How could he possibly be only realizing now how much he must have hurt Eiji by leaving? He was angry at himself, for being so caught up in his confusion that he hadn't really thought about how Eiji must be feeling. Oishi's head was swimming, but he knew he had to say something.

"Eiji, no, I was just confused. I was scared." Oishi could hear how inadequate these words were now, and he was ashamed.

"I don't…I…" Eiji's voice was breaking, and Oishi could see the tears on his face. "I don't understand."

Eiji was crying hard now, and Oishi stood there, stunned.

"And then, at practice…you did that on purpose…to hurt me. In front of everyone, Oishi. You wanted me to know how much you didn't need me, right? To see what I would do? How I would react?"

"No, that wasn't it." Oishi said, knowing again how inadequate of an explanation this was, searching his mind for something, and finding nothing good enough. _Maybe I was looking for a reaction then…_ Oishi suddenly felt that maybe Eiji had been right, that he was the worst person in the world for Eiji to care about.

Eiji wiped his eyes. He had stopped crying, and was looking at Oishi like he was disappointed. Oishi could see Eiji's defenses going back up, repairing themselves after the moments of weakness he had just shown.

"Oishi, you still…you still don't know anything about me."

"Then tell me! Please tell me…" Oishi felt like he was somehow digging himself into a very deep hole. He wondered if he would ever be able to make this right. "Eiji…please?"

"I CAN'T! I can't, and I don't want to. I just want to stop feeling this way. I want everything to go back to normal. You have no idea what it feels like…" Eiji was trying to tell himself not to cry again, that he had to stay focused, or…

"Eiji, I…" Everything Oishi said seemed to be making things worse. _What am I supposed to do? _He knew that whatever he needed to say he had to say now.

"Oishi, I knew all along that this would never work."

"No! Eiji, that's not true!" Oishi was sure his heart was breaking now, a little more with each word he said, and each word Eiji said back.

"If you care about me at all, as a friend…please…stop. Just stop."

"I don't want to! I…"

"I can't do this Oishi, ok? I just can't…"

"Why?" Oishi asked the question in a small voice, knowing it was not really appropriate, but asking all the same anyway, because this was the most basic question he needed answered right now.

"Because it hurts! I'm tired of feeling like this." Eiji paused, taking a deep breath. "It's just not…worth it."

………………………………………………

**A/N: **_Well, so Chapter Five was giving me kind of a hard time, and ended up being a lot longer than I'd planned and I decided to split it up - the result being that little cliffhanger there. Sorry! ;) Well, let me know what you think. Thanks so much again, for reading and reviewing – seriously, I am so grateful, and very, very happy that people are still reading! _


	6. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

Oishi felt like someone had punched him in the stomach, hard.

_Not worth it…_ Oishi heard Eiji's words again, and closed his eyes, feeling hot tears stinging behind his eyelids. He knew that it made sense for Eiji to feel this way, and he couldn't blame him, but it still hurt. He really hadn't expected Eiji to say that, and the more he thought about it, he wasn't sure that he could say anything to counter it. Part of Oishi felt like it would almost be _wrong _of him to say anything else, that it would only make things worse, and he didn't want to hurt Eiji any more than he already had.

Besides, anything else he had planned to say to Eiji seemed at the most, irrelevant right now. Maybe he should just stop, if that was what Eiji wanted, and if it was possible. Oishi wasn't sure that it was possible though. To stop caring about Eiji, to stop wanting to touch him, to comfort him, even now.

Oishi opened his eyes after a few seconds and allowed himself to look at Eiji, to really look at him.

Eiji's head was lowered, and his fingers gripped the sides of the wooden bench tightly, making his knuckles almost white. He wasn't moving at all, and his breaths were coming in large almost silent gasps.

Oishi thought of Eiji smiling and making jokes, of Eiji throwing his arms around his friends, dragging them off to warm up at practice, of Eiji flipping his racket with that determined gleam in his eyes. He thought of the golden pair, of all the matches they had won, and the ones they had lost, and of all the moments he had shared with this person who was right here and so far away at the same time. The Eiji here in front of him was simply not the same person that he knew, and Oishi wondered if he would ever see the smiling, energetic, enthusiastic Eiji again.

He knew that what he had said and done to Eiji was unforgivable, but it still seemed wrong that it had come to this, that it had turned out this way. Oishi had really thought that talking to Eiji and apologizing and explaining would have made things better, not worse.

Oishi stood there for a minute, watching Eiji, wanting Eiji to look at him, to say something, and all the time knowing that this was simply not going to happen. Eiji looked terrible right now, broken, exhausted. At first he had been defiant, and even angry, but now, Eiji just seemed completely defeated. Oishi hadn't thought it was even possible for Eiji to be defeated. It truly broke Oishi's heart to see his friend like this. Out of this desperation came another thought that made Oishi almost physically shudder. If Eiji really had disappeared, then it was Oishi's fault, because he had allowed this to happen. He imagined for a second, Eiji being like this forever. Eiji gone. Forever. And then Oishi felt himself start to really panic.

His legs were shaking and he sat down on the bench.

He tried to calm down. Oishi knew he had to at least try to fix this, but he felt like there was literally nothing he could do. Eiji had told him to stop. Eiji had said that this wasn't worth it.

Oishi told himself that he should be able to respect anything that Eiji wanted right now. If Eiji wanted to leave, to never see him again, then Oishi should be able to accept this. If Eiji wanted Oishi to stop caring, he should be able to do that too. But he knew that he couldn't, that it was impossible.

He knew he had to stop panicking, but his mind was running around in circles. Oishi was afraid to say anything, afraid that Eiji would leave, or that he would ask Oishi to leave. Oishi was terrified also, of how he would react if Eiji said anything else to him right now. He felt like he could no longer control his emotions, and he _had _to, he was telling himself. He had to be in control, or he wouldn't be able to think clearly enough to do the right thing this time. Oishi knew that there was a very real risk of losing Eiji forever, even as a friend, if he made any more mistakes.

Oishi sat thinking this for a long time, until he was able to ease his thoughts into a pleasant numbness.

………………………………………………………………….

The panic Oishi had felt a little while ago had been replaced by a sensation of pure emptiness. But the emptiness was growing, and even this was quickly becoming unbearable.

To distract himself, Oishi concentrated on the sound of the rain, bouncing off the windowsills, and pinging off of the gutters outside. He thought about the locker room, about the shared space between them, of the air and the soft sounds around them. He wondered if this would be the last time he shared any kind of space with Eiji. Oishi wanted to remember it exactly so he concentrated on everything his senses could pick up on. The dust on the floor, the air slightly chilled from the rain, and the dampness. Oishi welcomed the sense of detachment that concentrating on these things provided him with right now. Oishi's mind was feeling slightly numb again, and he wondered if Eiji was feeling the same way, and if maybe that was why neither of them had said anything.

Seconds and minutes passed. Oishi was aware, somewhat peripherally, that they had been sitting in the locker room for a very long time. It was getting dark, and the rain refused to let up outside. Every once in a while Oishi stopped to wonder why Eiji hadn't moved yet, or why neither of them seemed to have any intention of speaking again, or continuing the conversation. But Oishi soon stopped wondering, knowing that he would sit there forever, if he could. If it meant Eiji wouldn't leave, and that he could stay next to him a little longer.

…………………………………………………….

Eiji had thought about getting up, but somehow his legs felt too heavy to move. He wasn't sure if he would be able to complete the process of moving forward and walking out. Eiji closed his eyes. He was tired. Really, really tired.

Eiji knew that he hadn't really meant what he said about Oishi not being worth it. He knew that Oishi was worth it. That, in fact, he was probably worth more than anything. Eiji knew this, and had known this for a long time. But right now, it just hurt. It hurt, to talk to Oishi, after being ignored for so long. It hurt a lot. Even now, even when Oishi had said those things, had said good things, it still hurt.

But Eiji guessed that it was ok to stay though, because it hurt less when he was sitting here, next to Oishi, even if they weren't saying anything, or doing anything. It hurt less here with Oishi, than it would if Eiji was walking out alone. It hurt less here, than it would at home, or anywhere else he would go. Oishi was making it hurt less just because he was here, though that hurt too, in a different way.

Eiji sighed, involuntarily, and it turned into a yawn halfway through. He was so tired. Even his eyes felt heavy. He thought about lying down again, and remembered why he hadn't last time. Eiji wondered now though, if that would really be so bad, Oishi comforting him. He pushed that thought away for a second, because he really wanted to think about what Oishi had said, and he hadn't yet.

At the time, Eiji hadn't really been able to focus on what Oishi was saying, or what it meant. He really wanted to think about it now though, since he was feeling a bit calmer. His thoughts traced back to Oishi's voice, and Eiji took a deep breath,

mentally ticking off the important things in his mind, trying to sort out what had happened.

Oishi had said he cared about Eiji, that Eiji was important, that he missed him. Oishi had apologized, and it hadn't been nearly as bad as Eiji had feared. Oishi had sincerely tried to explain his actions, and his feelings, and Oishi _never _talked about his feelings. Eiji remembered now, that he had interrupted Oishi too, and now he really wondered what else Oishi had planned to say to him.

Eiji realized also, that he had probably scared Oishi off a little, by crying, and getting so upset and then yelling at him. And he had said some things to Oishi that he really didn't mean, which he regretted now. There was something else too.

Eiji had been so terrified that Oishi would touch him, and then when he did…when he did, it had been wonderful, and a little scary. It scared Eiji because, like that day on the court, Eiji had felt completely out of control, and somewhat out of his element. Oishi had made him feel a little crazy, and dizzy again, and he hadn't hit his head on anything this time. Eiji wondered, for a second, if this was normal, and if Oishi had felt the same way. Still, Eiji realized that he wanted to be close to Oishi again, more than anything.

………………………………………………………………..

Oishi shifted a little on the bench, so that he was half facing Eiji. He was about to open his mouth to finally say something, to ask Eiji what he wanted to do, if he wanted Oishi to walk him home, when Eiji suddenly slid over to him, and sighed, placing his head on Oishi's shoulder, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

"Oishi, I'm really tired," Eiji said, and moved a little closer.

It was a few seconds before Oishi remembered where he was, and to breathe again.

Eiji's voice had hinted at a slight apology, but was mostly just an honest expression of how he felt, which seemed somehow amazing to Oishi right now. Eiji had broken the tension, and Oishi couldn't have been more grateful, or more in awe of him.

The warmth of Eiji next to him penetrated Oishi's entire body, and he could feel Eiji's body move with each breath. Their legs were touching too, Oishi realized, wondering how Eiji had managed that without him noticing right away.

Oishi felt connected to Eiji again, something he hadn't felt for a very long time. After a few seconds, Eiji picked up his head, and glanced up at Oishi, his eyes penetrating. He seemed to be asking Oishi, almost daring him, to move away.

"It's ok," Oishi said, his voice shaking a little, as he forced himself to glance away from Eiji for a second. Eiji's look would have made his knees weak, if he had still been standing, he realized. "I don't want you to move."

"Good…" Eiji said the word quietly, and closed his eyes again, pressing his cheek against Oishi's shoulder and taking a deep breath.

They stayed that way for a while, neither of them moving, or speaking. Oishi was listening to Eiji's breathing, still a little awed by him, by his presence. After a few minutes, Oishi noticed Eiji's body tense up a little.

"What's wrong?" He asked softly, not wanting to disturb the level of calm he felt with Eiji so close. Eiji was breathing a little quicker now, as if he was out of breath.

"What is it?" Oishi asked again, concerned. Then he glanced at Eiji's face. It was flushed with color. Oishi quickly reached his hand around and placed it on Eiji's forehead.

"Eiji!"

Oishi was shocked. Usually if Eiji wasn't feeling well, Oishi picked up on it right away. He was immediately angry with himself, for not noticing sooner. Oishi knew that Eiji was always like this, he would push himself too far, not paying any attention to what he was doing, or to his body, but usually Oishi was there, and noticed, before…

"It's ok…" Eiji's voice was barely audible, but he softly slid his arm around Oishi's, and pulled himself closer.

"No, it's not! You're sick…" Even as Oishi said these words, and tried to formulate in his mind what he should do, he was distracted. He felt a shudder of electricity move through his body as Eiji's fingers brushed the skin on his wrist, lingering there for a second.

"Oishi, I'm ok…"

"You have a fever!" Oishi tried to tell himself to focus on taking care of Eiji. He still couldn't believe he hadn't noticed before. Oishi started to move.

"Come on, I'll take you home, ok? You have to get some rest." When Eiji didn't move, Oishi tried again, "Please, Eiji? I'm worried about you."

But Eiji was holding Oishi's arm tightly.

"I don't want to go home." His voice was quiet, and a little stubborn. "I want you to let me stay here."

Eiji kept his eyes closed, clinging to Oishi's arm. He really didn't feel sick at all, he was thinking, though his head did feel kind of warm. He had felt strange for a second before too, like he couldn't breathe, but he felt better as soon as he reminded himself that Oishi was right there, that he could feel Oishi's body, right there next to him. And now, Eiji felt better than he had felt in a long time. Oishi was concerned, was taking care of him, and was here next to him. Eiji felt ok like this, even though he knew he was being childish. But sometimes he just wanted Oishi to take care of him.

……………………………………………………….

Oishi didn't know what to say. He knew that he should probably insist on taking Eiji home. But Eiji… Eiji was pressed up against him, he was so close, and Oishi could feel the tension between them dissolving. All the thoughts he had been having, the panic, and the emptiness, seemed to be dissolving too. Oishi realized he couldn't move; it was impossible.

Oishi waited a few minutes, listening to Eiji's breathing become slower and more measured, and then he carefully moved his arm from under Eiji when he felt Eiji's grip loosen. He gently shifted, guiding Eiji's head onto his lap. He watched as Eiji shifted around slowly, stretching out his legs on the bench. Oishi reached for his jacket, which he had somehow thrown onto the floor by his feet, though he couldn't remember when. Oishi lightly placed the jacket over Eiji's back, feeling a shiver run down his spine as Eiji curled tighter next to him.

Eiji seemed ok, but Oishi was still worried, and had to fight the urge to check Eiji's head every few minutes to make sure his fever wasn't getting any worse. Oishi relaxed after a while though, listening to Eiji's breathing. He was fine, Oishi was telling himself. Somehow, everything was fine.

More than anything, Oishi wanted Eiji to stay here, with him. Part of him was still afraid that Eiji would wake up, and this feeling would be gone. Oishi laid his arm across Eiji's back, surprised at how he could feel the curves of his muscles, even through his jacket. Eiji shifted closer to him at his touch, and Oishi wondered if maybe he wasn't asleep, but then he heard his slow, drawn out breath again and he knew he must be.

Everything about Eiji was somehow surprising and wonderful to Oishi right now, and he smiled.

………………………………………………….

Eiji opened his eyes, and blinked sleepily, realizing that Oishi was gently shaking his shoulder. Oishi must have moved him after he'd fallen asleep, he was thinking, because his head was on Oishi's lap now, his legs stretched along the bench. He could feel Oishi's arm resting around his shoulders now, probably making sure he didn't fall onto the floor.

Eiji smiled, thinking of Oishi trying to protect him, wondering for a second how Oishi always managed to make him feel completely safe and comfortable. It made him feel a little warm inside too and Eiji closed his eyes, concentrating on the feel of Oishi's fingers curving around his shoulder, before he started to move.

Eiji sniffled, moving his hand to his head. He wrinkled his nose as he sat up, looking at Oishi for sympathy.

Eiji couldn't figure it out, but somehow he felt like the tension had cleared between them. Eiji had acted on impulse, because he had wanted to be close to Oishi, and was sure it had been the wrong thing to do. He had been afraid that Oishi might even push him away. Because this was something serious, and Eiji knew he was acting like a little kid. He had actually done things like this before, Eiji remembered, when he _was_ a little kid, to get out of being in trouble, or when he felt really guilty about something.

But now Eiji found himself smiling inside, because it had worked. He felt, for the first time in a long time, that things might be ok. He had said that he couldn't forgive Oishi, but as he felt Oishi's arm wrap around him, securing his jacket around his shoulders, and then lingering there for a second, Eiji wondered if he hadn't forgiven him already.

"Were you actually asleep that whole time?" Oishi asked him, smiling slightly tentatively.

"Maybe…" Eiji flashed a smile and squeezed Oishi's arm, trying to reassure him that he was ok.

Oishi smiled back, seeming slightly relieved.

"You kept moving around, and once I thought you were talking to me but… You were seriously asleep the whole time?"

"Nya, Oishi, I was asleep! I wasn't talking!" He shook his head in disbelief. "No way…"

But then Eiji laughed, realizing that this was probably true. His family had often teased him for talking, sometimes having whole conversations with himself in his sleep. He pondered this for a second, lowering his voice conspiratorially.

"What did I say?"

Oishi shrugged his shoulders, trying not to smile at the seriously concerned look on Eiji's face.

"Probably something about tennis. About how mean your doubles partner is?"

Eiji's face was suddenly serious, capturing Oishi attention, and causing the slight smile to freeze on his lips. For some reason, in that second, Eiji realized that he _had_ forgiven Oishi. He wasn't sure if he even remembered any more what it was he was supposed to be mad about, as silly and naïve as that seemed, even to him. But it was true.

"Nya, Oishi, it's ok. I forgive you." And then Eiji smiled, moving closer to Oishi, "I knew you didn't mean it."

Then Eiji shook his head to emphasize that he meant it, at the look of complete shock and surprise on Oishi's face.

"I knew. It's ok." Eiji said again, with a level of conviction that surprised even himself, and completely amazed Oishi.

Eiji hadn't even realized that he felt this way until the words were out of his mouth. But, he knew that he had no second thoughts. Part of him really _had _known, just like part of him had known how much he loved Oishi before Aoi had forced it out of him. Besides, he had wanted to forgive Oishi all along, and so, it was ok. Eiji smiled to himself, realizing that Oishi must really be confused, and probably thought he was crazy. He would have to explain later, but that was ok. There were still a lot of things that Eiji wanted to say, and things he wanted to ask Oishi, but it would just have to wait until later. Right now he wanted to go home, and…

Oishi's fingers were suddenly parting the hair away from his forehead, and touching Eiji's skin. He almost made a noise, he was so startled, until he realized that he really, really loved how it felt when Oishi touched his face. He reminded himself that Oishi was just checking his head for a fever, but still… He relaxed, closing his eyes, not wanting Oishi to move his hand. Eiji wondered if he sighed out loud.

When he opened his eyes, Oishi was staring at him, looking concerned.

"You're still a little warm. Do you feel any better?" Oishi asked, and watched Eiji nod and smile slightly.

Eiji smile grew a little, as he thought of Oishi's fingers brushing his hair away, and of waking up on Oishi's lap.

"Nya, I'm ok, just tired, and my head hurts. But mostly good. Happy. Better." And then Eiji smiled again, a big, genuine smile.

Oishi watched the smile spread on Eiji's face, wondering if maybe he had been the one who had fallen asleep, and was now dreaming. Had Eiji just said that everything was ok, and that he was _happy? _It was just too much to process, that Eiji would actually say something like that honestly, after Oishi had hurt him so much. And Eiji still trusted him enough to stay here with him, and to fall asleep…

Eiji was leaning forward, looking at Oishi, concerned.

"Oishi?"

And suddenly Oishi felt Eiji's fingers around his hand, squeezing gently.

"Oishi, how do _you _feel?"

Oishi's hand tingled a little from the sensation, and he felt his stomach flutter. Then he realized that he must have looked sad, or worried, or lost in thought for a second, and that maybe Eiji thought he was upset. And he wasn't, at all anymore. He was a little worried about what would happen next, but he felt a hundred times better than he had an hour ago. Oishi tried to give Eiji an honest answer, thinking.

"I'm…happy. Surprised, and relieved. A little amazed. But mostly happy, really happy."

Eiji smiled, squeezed Oishi's hand a little tighter, and snuggled next to him for a second, forgetting for a second about any inhibitions, however slight, he might have had. This was good, Eiji was thinking, _really _good.

It took Oishi a second to regain his senses, but he managed, gradually getting used to Eiji being next to him, touching him. He just really was at a loss as to how suddenly the situation had gone from horrible to…this, in so little time. But he was really, really happy, and decided just to concentrate on that instead.

"Well, the rain finally stopped." Oishi said finally, realizing that he really should be responsible and take Eiji home. Eiji was sick, he reminded himself. Sighing, Oishi looked at his watch.

"We should probably go. It's getting late, and your parents are probably worried. Should we call them? Eiji?" Oishi was watching the grin that was spreading across Eiji's face, slightly confused.

"Typical Oishi…" Eiji said, and when Oishi returned his smile, he thought he might melt into the floor.

Eiji then listened intently, nodding occasionally and trying not to smile too much, as Oishi insisted that they take a taxi because it might start to rain again, and they didn't have an umbrella, and Eiji was already sick, and that from the taxi Eiji would call his parents and let them know that he was ok, and that he was on his way home.

Eiji was thinking about how much he had missed Oishi, even Oishi in his serious-planning-and-worrying mode, and Eiji suddenly had the urge to jump for joy. He really felt sure that things would be ok now, and suddenly he wanted to announce this to the entire world. But then he remembered that he was sick. Right now, he was sick and this was an excellent opportunity to be taken care of…by Oishi. All the rest could wait until later.

Eiji's smile grew a little more, as they got up to leave.

…………………………………………..

**A/N:** _So there's the resolution…Yay! Finally happy:) I feel like I've been waiting a long time for that, which might seem strange, as I could have done it whenever I wanted, right? Anyway, I realize I could probably stop here, but I kind of want them to be happy just a little longer, you know? Thanks so much to everyone for reading and reviewing!_


	7. Chapter Seven

**Chapter 7**

Eiji was beaming, and had started to hop out of the cab, when he noticed Oishi leaning towards him, his hand extended. Eiji paused for a second, feeling a warm glow spread through his body, as he touched Oishi's hand. The gesture was so sweet, and Eiji smiled again, this time to himself. Oishi's grip was firm when he pulled Eiji forward, and Eiji shivered as Oishi's arm grazed his back as he reached around him to close the door to the taxi.

Eiji loved being around Oishi like this. Oishi's touch was safe and comfortable, and made Eiji feel warm all over, inside and out. Right now, Eiji just wanted, needed, to feel that security and warmth all the time. Because without it, he realized he was left feeling almost vulnerable, and a little scared.

"Oishi, are you guys coming in?" Eiji's mother called to them over her shoulder, gesturing from the doorway.

Oishi hadn't realized that Eiji had stopped walking. He turned around to face his friend, who was staring forward at him, seeming slightly distracted.

"Eiji?" Oishi walked back a few steps and touched Eiji's shoulder gently. He glanced at the door and assured himself that Eiji's mother had turned away for a second before he reached down and squeezed Eiji's hand. "Are you ok?"

Eiji felt his heart flutter a little, as he tried to think of how best to answer that. His thoughts quickly faded though, with the slight rush of energy that was spreading through his body at Oishi's touch. Eiji let out a laugh, not being able to think of anything coherent to say, and grabbed Oishi's arm, bouncing a little as he pulled Oishi along, and towards the warm light of the doorway.

……………………………………………………….

The familiar noises of Eiji's family floated past Oishi as he half-stumbled inside, a smile breaking on his face. Oishi had been slightly worried about whether or not he was invited to come in, and he was glad that Eiji had pulled him in without asking.

"I thought he was supposed to be sick?" Eiji's mother joked, watching her son bounce into the house, and winked at Oishi.

Oishi laughed and shrugged, and was about to apologize to Eiji's mother for being so late, but Eiji was pulling him somewhere else, into the living room, where his sister Aoi immediately pounced on Eiji, poking and tickling him, and causing Eiji to explode with laughter, which quickly turned into a whine.

"Nya, Aoi! I'm _sick…_"

Eiji gave Oishi an exasperated look, and then smiled evilly, ducking behind Oishi, using him for protection. Eiji wrapped his arms tightly around Oishi's waist and pressed his face against Oishi's back.

Oishi's body was tingling, and he felt his stomach turn over happily at the feel of Eiji's fingers around his strong muscles there. Oishi tried to remind himself where he was, that Aoi was right there, and he immediately put all of his attention into not blushing, which, of course, had the opposite effect.

"Nya! Oi-shi! Help!" And Eiji snuggled his face a little closer into Oishi's back, hiding from Aoi.

When Eiji breathed in and felt Oishi right there, he barely noticed his headache or the fact that his throat might be starting to hurt. He could ignore the heavy tired feeling in his eyes too, as long as he was close to Oishi. Thinking this made him smile all over again, and he squeezed Oishi a little tighter. He had been so sad, and now…. Eiji had even surprised himself at his ability to abandon his worries from the past few weeks.

Eiji knew he was able to do this because being with Oishi made him so happy, but Eiji couldn't help but wonder for a second what would happen when Oishi left. He knew that Oishi couldn't stay here forever. Eiji knew also that he would have to talk to Oishi, to find out what he really wanted, but right now…he just needed to feel close to him.

Eiji snapped back into reality as Aoi deftly detached his grip from around Oishi. Eiji felt himself being separated from Oishi, as his sister pushed him onto the couch.

"Aaah! Oishi save me!" Eiji was trying to wriggle away from Aoi, but it wasn't working very well.

Oishi sat down across from them, laughing, watching them wrestle, thinking how nice it must be to be a part of Eiji's family, where everyone was so comfortable with each other.

Suddenly Eiji shot up, pushing his sister aside easily. He crossed the distance to where Oishi was sitting in one stride. Eiji grabbed his friend's hand firmly, pulling an alarmed Oishi up from the couch with surprising strength.

"Mom!" Eiji called out, not really caring if she could hear or not, and ignoring Aoi's knowing smile from the across the room. "Oishi's spending the night, ok?"

Eiji glanced at Oishi, hoping that he wouldn't notice the sudden nervousness that had crept into his voice. "Right, Oishi?" Eiji looked a little vulnerable for a second when Oishi didn't answer.

"Oi-shi?" Eiji's voice still had its familiar whine, but the look in his eyes was tinged with an unmistakable intensity. He was relieved when, after a second, he felt Oishi squeeze his hand.

"Sure, sure." Oishi said lightly, holding Eiji's glance for a few seconds, and releasing his hand. "Just let me call home, ok?"

………………………………………………………

Back upstairs in Eiji's room, Oishi found himself, not for the first time, trying to convince Eiji that the medicine his mother had set aside was good for him, that it wouldn't make him puke, and that he might feel better if he would just stop being such a baby. The whole scene made Oishi smile inside though. This was one of his favorite things about Eiji. This adorable, playful side of him that Oishi always felt lucky to witness and encourage.

The fact that Eiji seemed completely comfortable having him there made it that much easier for Oishi to push the nagging questions out of his mind. He knew that he should have said something to Eiji on the ride over, that there were things that he really needed to say to him and hadn't yet. But part of him was still worried, that he would do something to upset Eiji, or that the bottom would suddenly drop out of their comfortable situation.

Oishi really just wasn't sure how to bring up their conversation from before, and so, for the time being, he decided he would just follow Eiji's lead, because Eiji seemed happy, and because it made Oishi happy too, just being around him again like this. He watched his friend's mouth twist into a pout as Eiji flopped back on the bed, shaking his head back and forth.

"No, No, No… I hate that stuff! It's so gross…"

"But I really don't want to listen to you sniffling and coughing all night so..." Oishi said it with a smile, but was concerned again, noticing Eiji's flushed face. "Besides, I really still think you have a fever."

Oishi leaned forward, placing the palm of his hand on Eiji's forehead, and watched Eiji close his eyes obediently. "See…I knew it. Come on, you have to take this or you won't get better." Oishi moved his hand, resisting the urge to run his fingers through Eiji's hair.

Suddenly Eiji opened his eyes and sat up, grabbing Oishi's hand tightly. "Oishi…" Eiji's eyes were a mixture of appreciation and…something Oishi couldn't quite read. "Why do you always take care of me like this?"

When Eiji looked at him again, his eyes penetrating, Oishi felt his heart skip several beats. A million thoughts were filling Oishi's head, and he wondered how he could best answer this question. Before he had a chance to say anything though, Eiji had leaned closer, and Oishi could see that he had tears in his eyes.

"Oishi, why?" Eiji's voice was shaking. All the sudden Eiji realized what was bothering him. He felt stupid, and Eiji hated feeling stupid, and right now he felt stupid because he was confused.

He was confused because he didn't know how to act around Oishi, especially when Oishi touched him, and Eiji's heart went crazy like that. He didn't know what Oishi wanted, or even why Oishi was here right now. He didn't know what exactly had happened in the locker room, and he didn't know how Oishi felt now, not _really_, anyway. Maybe he should, but he didn't. Sometimes, he knew he just needed to have things spelled out to him…and this, Eiji realized, was what he wanted from Oishi right now.

Oishi was watching his friend, looking for clues, wanting to make sure he said the right thing, even though he really wasn't sure exactly what Eiji was asking him. He hoped that maybe he could diffuse the situation by getting right to the point. Oishi took a deep breath, "Eiji, about before….I…"

Eiji's face darkened, and he seemed really upset now. "No! I don't want to talk about that anymore!"

Oishi wasn't sure what was happening, or what he was supposed to say. He concentrated on softening his voice, as he tried to smile. "Eiji, relax, ok? Just tell me what's wrong?"

And then Eiji's voice was quiet, hesitant. "Oishi, am I….special? To you?"

"Of course you're special to me. What do you mean?" Oishi looked at Eiji, honestly confused, as he tried his best to figure out what was going on. "Eiji, I really don't understand what you're asking me," Oishi tried again when Eiji didn't respond, hoping for some kind of clarification.

Eiji shrugged and said quietly, averting his eyes, "You take care of everyone, right? You're like this to everyone, and I'm your friend, so you came here to make sure I'm ok, but-"

"I don't take care of everyone, Eiji. Not like this," Oishi said seriously, and looked at Eiji again. "And you're more than just my friend, you know that."

Oishi knew what he had to say, knew that this was as good a time as any, and that he should just say what had been on his mind for days, weeks now. He knew that Eiji needed to know, and that he needed to say it, but… he had never said something like this before to anyone, and…but then he looked at Eiji's face. Eiji was watching him closely, expectantly, almost innocently and Oishi knew…he _had _to.

"Eiji, I _love_ you."

Eiji blinked several times trying to convince himself that he had just heard correctly. He was a little shocked. "Ne, Oishi, really?", he asked in a quiet voice, blinking away a few tears. Eiji was smiling after a second though. _"Really?"_ he asked again, mostly just to reassure himself.

Oishi nodded, "You couldn't tell?"

Eiji shook his head, a contented smile fixed to the corners of his lips now. He glanced sideways at Oishi, silently waiting, hoping there was more.

Having Eiji's full attention like this made Oishi's whole body feel warm and alive. He was a little scared though, and not quite sure what was going to come out of his mouth next. "Eiji, I've never felt anything like this before. And I just…I'm in love with you…completely. It's kind of scary, but…wonderful too, you know?"

Eiji was smiling, as he nodded in agreement, and then his face turned reflective, and he took a breath, holding Oishi's gaze for a second. "Oishi, what do you….want?"

Oishi thought for a second, not really thrown by the question, but wanting to make sure he could articulate his thoughts properly. He really wanted to make sure Eiji understood that he was serious…

"What I want…Eiji, I want to be with you. I want…to take care of you, to make you happy." Oishi paused for a second, thinking. "I want us to be together, all the time. That's what I really want." Then Oishi paused for a second again, suddenly hesitant. "If…if that's what you want?"

Eiji's expression had changed as he listened, realizing that this was real, that this was actually happening. He was staring at Oishi, eyes wide, blinking tears away rapidly, as he realized how stupid he had been, feeling so insecure and defensive. He realized too that he didn't know what to say, or where to start, or how to possibly convey how happy he was, and how much he wanted this too.

"Oishi, I'm sorry I got so upset, it's just… I'm really…lost when you're not around, even for a minute…so…I got scared." Eiji stopped, shaking his head, realizing that he needed to answer Oishi's question. "Oishi, I want to be with you too. That's what I want…of course that's what I want. I love you."

He finished this with a huge sigh of relief, and then Eiji snuggled close to Oishi, burying his head in between Oishi's shoulder and neck. "Oi-shi…. I missed you so much. I'm so happy." He held Oishi a little tighter. "Now I can be myself again!" Eiji said, laughing.

Eiji could feel the smile spreading throughout his whole body, and he wondered if Oishi could feel it too, it seemed to take up the entire room to him now, his happiness.

Oishi wondered briefly what he should do now, but before he had a chance to think too much, out of nowhere, Eiji had tackled him, and they both fell off the bed in a heap. Eiji was laughing hysterically and saying Oishi's name over and over again with a smile so huge, it was impressive, even for Eiji.

And then Oishi started laughing too, as he realized that there was really no point in wondering what would happen next, because Eiji was constantly surprising him, to the point where he wondered if he would be able to keep up with him.

They lay there for a second, until there was a brief knock on the door, and Eiji bounced up quickly, pausing for a second to cough.

…………………………………………………..

It was Eiji's mother, asking about the medicine. She obviously knew how stubborn her son could be. "And I heard that cough!"

Oishi heard Eiji grumble at his mother's comment and then cough again.

Then Eiji's mother poked her head around the door, "Oishi, make sure he takes it before you guys go to sleep, ok?"

Oishi smiled back at her, trying not to blush. "Of course, no problem."

Eiji closed the door, hanging his head slightly, and casting a sidelong glance in Oishi's direction. "Oi-shi…my head hurts." He was frowning, his voice sounding a little hoarse again.

"That's because you haven't taken any medicine yet, Eiji," Oishi said, smiling, leading Eiji by the arm to his bed, knowing that Eiji was enjoying every second of the attention.

Eiji took his medicine diligently this time, without arguing again. He was staring at Oishi, watching him, as he purposefully measured the dose. Eiji wrinkled his nose at the taste, but gave a small smile, because he knew Oishi was making sure he wasn't cheating, and that he finished every last drop.

"Now I have to brush my teeth again!"

"As if that's a problem for you." Oishi laughed. Eiji was so cute, so completely irresistible all the time, Oishi was thinking, as he watched Eiji lay back on the bed, his mouth twisting into pout that Oishi was trying to convince himself wasn't at all seductive.

"Oishi, do I have a fever?"

"I told you already, yes, you do have a fever, and that's because you keep whining, and you won't go to sleep."

"But I don't _want_ to go to sleep…" Eiji coughed again.

"See?"

"But, I was only sick because I missed you so much, and now that you're here I shouldn't have to take medicine, or go to sleep…" He sighed. "I don't want to be sick _now _Oishi…"

Oishi could feel his heart beating a little quicker at Eiji's honest admission. "And you wanted to before?"

"Well…. it worked right?" Eiji winked. "But now I feel worse, it's not fair!"

"You totally deserve it!"

"_Oishi…_."

Eiji was still whining, but Oishi could tell he was really tired, and felt a little guilty for playing along for so long, and not insisting that they both get some rest. "Seriously Eiji, if you don't rest, how are you going to get back in shape enough to play doubles with me again?"

Eiji sighed, and then gasped. "Oh no! Tezuka is going to make me run laps!" Eiji hated laps. More than anyone, maybe. Then he pouted, frowning at Oishi, and glaring a little. "_You_ should have to run them with me!"

At that Oishi laughed, realizing that this was completely fair, though he wasn't sure how he could explain his rationale to Tezuka.

Eiji was smiling, and he stuck his tongue out at Oishi as he crawled into bed, pulling the covers around his ears. "Oishi…?" Eiji's voice was slightly muffled from the covers. "Can you turn off the light?"

"I thought you had to brush your teeth again?" Eiji must be really tired to forget something like that, Oishi was thinking.

"Oh no…that's right!" He let out a huge yawn. "Ne, Oishi?" He lowered his voice and looked at Oishi, completely serious. "Do you think it's ok, just this once?"

Oishi couldn't help but laugh. "Eiji, you know you're insane! You do know that, right?"

"Stop making fun of me! Nya! I'm serious! My teeth are – _Oishi!_" Eiji was starting to explain for the hundredth time his many thoughts on the importance of maintaining his teeth, but looking at Oishi, laughing, he forgot about everything else and starting laughing himself.

After a minute, Oishi got up, and turned of the light, fearing that if he didn't, Eiji really wouldn't ever go to sleep.

…………………………………………………..

Oishi stretched out on his back, sighing. Even the spare futon in Eiji's room always somehow seemed more comfortable than his own. He had thought, briefly, of how nice it would be to just crawl into Eiji's bed, but figured it was too risky, with a house full of people, even though he really wanted, more than anything, to be close to Eiji tonight.

"Ne, Oishi?" Eiji's voice sounded slightly uncertain.

"What?" Oishi asked, curious, hearing the little pout in Eiji's voice.

"I miss you."

Oishi felt his whole body glow, and he smiled, amazed at the effect that Eiji saying that he missed him had, when he was in the same room with him, three feet away. "I miss you too," Oishi said, meaning it.

Eiji made a happy noise, before he ventured quietly, "I can make room in here, you know…"

Oishi paused for a second. "Is that…ok?"

"It's ok, since you know I'll fall asleep first…then you can escape to the floor, ok? Please, Oishi?"

……………………………………………….

As soon as Oishi had pulled back the covers, and lay down, Eiji had pulled him close, sighing, and practically smothering him. It was really cute, Oishi realized, how much attention Eiji needed all of the time. Neither of them said anything for a while, and after a few minutes, Oishi extracted himself from Eiji slightly so that he could move his hand to lightly touch Eiji's forehead. Oishi was happy to find that it was no longer warm. He lay back, listening to Eiji's measured, though slightly raspy breathing for a while, his thoughts wandering.

It was hard for Oishi to believe now that up until a few hours ago, he had really and honestly believed that he would never be here again, that there was no way that Eiji would ever let him into his life again.

Oishi knew that Eiji was right there, and that there was no reason to be anything but happy, but, he also knew how close he had come to losing him, and Oishi never, ever wanted to feel that way again. He loved Eiji so much, and Eiji actually loved him too. Amazingly, Eiji still loved Oishi after everything that had happened. Oishi wished more than anything right now, that he could take all of it back. He wanted everything to be perfect with Eiji; he knew that Eiji deserved that… Eiji coughed and shifted a little, startling Oishi out of his thoughts.

"Oishi, are you awake?" Eiji's voice sounded sleepy, and he coughed for a second again.

"Mmm. Just thinking."

"What about?" Eiji said, sounding curious, and a little more awake now.

"You." Oishi said simply, not sure how much he wanted to talk about this right now.

"Hoi?" Eiji sounded excited, and this made Oishi smile.

But then Oishi realized that he really _was_ worried, worried that things could never be as perfect as he wanted, because he couldn't take back what had happened. He had hurt Eiji, maybe worse than anyone, ever, and he couldn't take that back…

"Nya, Oishi? What's wrong?" Eiji was slightly hurt; he knew that Oishi wasn't telling him everything. "You seem…sad."

Oishi sat up, trying to clear his head.

"Oishi…" Eiji prompted again.

Oishi took a breath before starting, hoping that he could tell Eiji what he was thinking without hurting his feelings, or upsetting him. "I don't know why, but I was just sitting here thinking about you, about how I'm really lucky to be in this room with you…and…"

"Oishi…" Eiji sounded surprised, and confused. "And that made you sad? Why?"

Oishi couldn't get rid of the heavy feeling in his chest. It was a familiar feeling, and Oishi knew that it hadn't been so long ago that he had felt like this all the time. Losing Eiji, Eiji disappearing - that could never, ever even come close to happening again…

Oishi could feel his voice shaking. "It's just…I thought I lost you, Eiji. I really did. I thought you were gone. You _were_ gone…" Oishi heard covers rustling, and Eiji was close to him in an instant, hugging him tightly.

"Oishi, I'm right here." Eiji wasn't sure what was going on in Oishi's mind right now, but he knew he didn't want Oishi to be sad. Oishi had cleared up his doubts before, and had made him feel so good about everything; he really wanted to be able to do the same for him now.

"Oishi, it's ok. There's nothing to worry about," Eiji said the words softly, releasing his grip around Oishi after a second, wanting to see his face.

Eiji's seemed so completely sincere, that Oishi couldn't help but stare back at him in slight disbelief. "But, I _really _screwed everything up before. I want to make it up to you, Eiji…I…I need to." And then Oishi could feel Eiji's fingers pressing against his mouth, softly, and he felt his whole body relax from the sensation.

"Oishi, I _love _you. There's nothing for you to make up for… I told you before, I'm happy. I'm really happy."

Oishi kissed Eiji's fingers impulsively, and Eiji made a noise, almost a whimper. He was trembling, as Oishi touched his face, tracing his fingers over his cheeks and brushing his hair from his face. Eiji was so perfect; it made Oishi really sad to think of how stupid he had been, to be afraid of this.

"I'm sorry, Eiji, I just…I want everything to be perfect. I want you to be happy. I don't want to think about before, but…"

"I don't want to think about it either. I won't, ok? I promise. Never again. You either, ok?" Eiji was distracted by Oishi fingers, by his touch, but he tried to focus, knowing that it was important for Oishi to feel better about this right now. "Oishi, please just listen, ok?"

Eiji kept his serious game face on, but inside he was smiling, because he knew that he had a really good plan, something that he had thought of just a second ago, but that he was sure would work. He was completely determined to make Oishi forget about this silly guilt he was feeling.

"Oishi, there's nothing to worry about; you don't have to do anything. You've already made it up to me. I'm sorry I got upset before. Everything _is _perfect. I know that you love me, and I know that you didn't mean to hurt me, and Oishi…I _know _that everything will be ok. Oishi, listen to me…"

And then Eiji leaned close to Oishi, whispering in his ear that he loved him, saying everything that he had said that night on the court, using the same words, as if trying to erase that memory by saying everything again, here, now.

Oishi could feel that Eiji was shaking. His lips kept brushing Oishi's ear as he spoke. When Oishi touched his hand to Eiji's face again, he heard Eiji make a little noise, and it sent a shiver through him. Oishi was so caught up in this, in Eiji touching him and feeling his breath on his neck, that his body felt so light he wondered if he would float away. This was a different feeling, something Oishi had never felt before, and again he felt a little in awe of Eiji's power over him.

Eiji kept repeating to him, that everything would be ok, as if he was trying to overpower any remaining doubts in Oishi's mind with these words. Oishi found himself relaxing, really trusting Eiji, believing him.

"And then…" and Eiji moved closer to Oishi, staring at Oishi, his eyes wide.

"Then…?" The word came out in almost a whisper, as Oishi felt Eiji leaning closer, touching him, his arm, his breath grazing Oishi's cheek, sending a shiver of electricity down his back.

"Oi-shi, kiss-" Eiji whispered, but before he could finish asking, Oishi had kissed him, long and hard, taking Eiji's breath, and the rest of what he was going to say, away.

………………………………………………..

**Epilogue – Two weeks later**

"Excuse me…"

"Nya? What?"

Eiji was busy trying to eat his lunch as fast as possible, hoping to catch Oishi in the hallway before his next class, missing him already. Eiji hated not having lunch with Oishi. He was pouting a little now just thinking about it.

"Kikumaru Eiji…" Fuji's voice was mock stern, but the smile, which never seemed to leave his face hadn't wavered. "You are not listening."

"Ah, sorry Fuji! What were you saying?" Eiji looked up from his lunch guiltily, and was surprised to hear Fuji's true laugh surfacing, the one he saved for only his closest friends.

"What?"

Fuji continued to chuckle.

"Nya, Fuji, what? I hate it when you do that!"

Eiji's voice was spiraling upwards comically, but Fuji was looking past him, his eyes lighting up for the briefest of seconds. "Ah, Oishi. This is_ perfect_."

Eiji's ears had already perked up at the familiar footsteps, and he turned his head happily, seeing Oishi standing behind them.

Fuji smiled serenely at Oishi, who looked apprehensively back at him, and then at Eiji.Eiji shot back a slightly frightened look, shaking his head. Oishi took a deep breath, swallowing hard. He smiled brightly, but before he had finished his greeting, Fuji had interrupted him, not wasting any time, apparently.

"I was just saying to Eiji that I noticed how he has been just _glowing _lately. But I don't think he agrees with me. But it's hard not to notice, right Oishi? What do _you_ think?"

Eiji had to stop himself from choking on the last of his food. He glanced at Oishi, who was floundering miserably. Eiji sighed as he watched him, thinking that Fuji must really be enjoying this one. It was such a typical scene - Fuji pressing on with questions, smiling, Oishi scratching his head, looking adorable, as he tried not to blush – but suddenly the situation struck Eiji as incredibly funny. He jumped up, the rest of his lunch clattering to the ground, and Fuji turned to him, curious.

Eiji threw his arms around Oishi's neck, snuggling close to him. "Of _course _I'm glowing Fuji! I'm _always _glowing, right?" With a bounce, he jumped forward, releasing Oishi, and poked Fuji on the nose. Then he stuck his tongue out at both of them, before he turned all of his attention to Oishi.

"Ne, Oishi, can I borrow your notes for next period, please?" He grabbed Oishi's hand, huge eyes looking up into his face expectantly, "You _promised, _remember?"

"I promised to lend them to you _if _you agreed to finish the homework first," Oishi reminded him, wondering if the color had faded from his face yet.

"I know, I know, I did it!' Eiji plopped back down next to Fuji, and Oishi leaned over, peering into Eiji's jumbled mess of a backpack. "Here, here, see?" Eiji let out a triumphant "Hoi!", smiling at Oishi. Then he looked worried for a second. "But I need you to check it, ok?"

"Of course, Eiji." Oishi smiled, looking down at his watch, and then back at Eiji again. "But come on, you're going to be late. We should be able to make it to my locker, but only if we hurry…"

"Oi-shi…" Eiji was staring over his backpack, things scattered everywhere. "Why can't we all have lunch together? I hate that!" He frowned. "Ne, Fuji, right? It's not fair..."

Fuji smiled at Eiji, and then shared a separate smile with Oishi before getting up. "Oishi's right though, we'll be late if we don't hurry." Fuji bowed smoothly before turning on his way to class.

As soon as Fuji was out of sight, Oishi leaned down, his shoulder brushing Eiji's arm, and snuck in a slight kiss just below Eiji's ear, that he knew no one would notice. Eiji sighed happily, and Oishi whispered, "He knows, right?"

Eiji laughed out loud, shaken out of his moment of bliss with thoughts of Oishi blushing, and Fuji smiling. "Of course he does!" There was probably nothing Fuji didn't know, Eiji realized, shuddering.

"Does that bother you?" Eiji asked suddenly.

"Not particularly…" Oishi was thinking. "But I wonder if we should tell him, you know? So he can stop wasting his time trying to embarrass us?"

"Nya…" Eiji was smiling, the smile getting bigger the longer Oishi was next to him. "He enjoys it too much. Besides, he's not going to stop when you make it so easy!"

And then they were both laughing, as they hurried to class.

**-OWARI-**

**A/N: **_Finally finished! I hope that you approve of the ending, it gave me kind of a hard time…(KagomeGirl – you were right about the kiss..heehee, and yoshiko-chan –I couldn't help but throw some hopefully fun Fuji in there for you!)_

_Thank you all so much for being supportive of my first story - I really, really appreciate all the reviews! Please let me know what you think of the end, and thank you again so, so much for reading and reviewing!_

_Ah, it feels so good to actually finish something…I was getting worried there for a while too. ;)_


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